How To Stop Yourself From Getting Too Emotionally Attached When Dating Someone New

Here's how to prevent yourself from falling too fast.
PHOTO: NONG VANG/UNSPLASH

If you don't already know about attachment styles, then wyd?! Attachment theory explains why we behave the way we do when dating and in relationships. It can be especially comforting for those with anxious attachments, meaning you feel you get very emotionally attached to a new partner easily and struggle to feel secure.

Maybe you're thinking about texting them all the time or are preoccupied with thoughts about how you wish they would validate your feelings. Although this can be very exhausting, it's very normal and common to feel this way. It's only really something to worry about if it becomes unhealthy and takes over your life. For people who've found it's negatively impacted them, here's how they stop themselves from getting emotionally attached early on.

  1. Keep yourself busy.

    "In my early 20s, I worried so damn much about this. I had all these weird rules and tactics to try to 'not get too attached' and to look like I was 'interested but not too interested'. Now that I have a job that consumes 10 to 12 hours of my day, a small side business, and a few hobbies, I just don't have the time or the care, to worry about how attached I'm getting to someone. If I'm into them enough that I start to think about them a lot, then clearly that's a good thing, not a bad thing." [via]

  2. Create a schedule for interactions.

    2. "I schedule my interactions with them. No messages and no social media checks outside of scheduled interaction times." [via]

  3. Communicate your needs.

    "I don’t consider playing games or training yourself to do things out of character will help, unless you’re content with being miserable keeping that up for the rest of your life. I instead take it slow with each new person. Let them know your needs (when you feel comfortable) and if they are the right person, they’ll want to accommodate them." [via]

  4. Acknowledge differences.

    "I read the book Attached by Amir Levine. It helped me deal with these feelings in a more secure way. There's nothing bad in wanting to communicate more with your crush/date/partner. Everybody has different needs. But there are differences with being unhealthy about it or simply anxiously attached. Big difference." [via]

  5. Be mindful of your thoughts and actions.

    "Practice mindfulness. When you start feeling anxious and attached purposefully tell yourself to do something else. Make a list of things you can do instead of the actions you don't want to do. Distract yourself with other things. Think of things you'd be doing if you didn't have someone to pine over. Basically keep yourself busy and make a habit of mindfulness. The more you purposefully tell your brain to do XYZ instead, the more that will become the natural thing to do." [via]

  6. Always remember that you are your own person.

    "Remember: You existed as a person before they entered your life, you will remain that way while you know them, and you'll remain that way when they leave your life. I think a lot of people lose sight of that when they meet someone, and I'm definitely guilty of it, too. It can be a challenge realizing it and getting back to your own reality with them included or excluded from it." [via]

  7. Stay away from your phone.

    "I do something that requires me to be away from my phone, so I won't keep checking my messages or building up my anxiety." [via]

  8. Control yourself from over-texting.

    "I have a two text rule. I will not send more than two texts without a response except in cases of emergency." [via]

  9. Disable message notifications.

    "I try and obstruct my means of attachment. For example, I try to disable read receipts when possible, and disable notification sounds for anything not critical so I have to manually check them." [via]

  10. Invest in yourself.

    "I try investing more in myself. Get a new hobby, try therapy if you feel like you can not control yourself, bond with family and friends." [via]

  11. Be open to meeting other people.

    "Date multiple people or have casuals on the go always. I'm not necessarily dating for something monogamy, but spreading the attention around I've found helps any one person from having to weather all the attention." [via]

  12. Work on yourself.

    "Work on yourself. Hobbies and interests you genuinely enjoy mean good conversation or icebreakers with others who share those interests. Do fun stuff with friends or by yourself, you’ll have stories to share and get better at talking to others and navigating through life. Then you’ll probably have a much easier time finding someone." [via]

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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com/uk. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.

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