1. Expectation: Time to take a long, luxurious shower and wash all the stress of the day away; time to get all Pantene Pro-V commercial up in here.
Reality: Better take a quick shower because you haven't washed your hair since forever. Hopefully you will not fall asleep standing up.
2. Expectation: Guy's like, "Can I join you?" And you're like, "Please do!"
Reality: Guy's like, "I need to get in." And you're like, "Fine."
3. Expectation: There's just enough room for you to ~*~*~eXpLoRe eAcH oThEr's bODieS~*~*~*.
Reality: Two seconds after you start ~*~*~eXpLoRiNg eAcH oThEr's bODieS~*~*~* you whack your elbow on the wall really hard because your shower is ~*~*~*bAsIcALLy a cLoSeT fOr a tOy wOmAn~*~*~.
4. Expectation: He runs his hand down your silken leg.
Reality: He touches your leg and then jerks his hand away because you haven't shaved yet, but plays it off by touching your face instead or something. So smooth.
5. Expectation: You forget the actual hygienic purpose of the shower when you start making out because it's so hot.
Reality: It is kinda hot, but you know what else is hot? Not having such dirty hair that a bat might be nesting in your topknot. Actually, you should put your deep conditioner in before sex, because then it'll have a chance to work its magic while you're having sex. God, you're so brilliant.
6. Expectation: He'll be able to hold you up against a wall and do it standing like it's a Bond movie.
Reality: After a minute against the wall he gets tired, because he's a human. You will try weird, awkward angles where you are both standing upright for a minute or two, until you find a position that is probably more uncomfortable for you than for him.
7. Expectation: You can pull off a shower BJ.
Reality: You almost waterboard yourself.
8. Expectation: No need to grab the lube! Everything's wet!
Reality: Ow, ow, ow, water is not a lubricant.
9. Expectation: You come at the same time.
Reality: You don't come because you're annoyed that during sex you accidentally went under the water and washed your deep conditioner out too early, even though you told him to avoid positions where your head would get wet.
10. Expectation: You dry each other off and go into the bedroom to finish your squeaky-clean intercourse.
Reality: You get out, realizing you have not done any actual washing of your body, get back in to do the actual washing, and either go to work or to sleep.