1. Expectation: It'll happen at home, in person.
Reality: It'll happen over text while you're shopping for a new pair of jeans at Forever 21.
2. Expectation: You'll have a kinda sexy screaming match that culminates in breakup sex.
Reality: You will have an incredibly awkward and anxiety-ridden conversation on the couch, and not look each other in the eye.
3. Expectation: You'll quietly, elegantly gather the thongs that you left in the Girlfriend Drawer of his dresser.
Reality: You'll become a tearful ball of snot with no dignity.
4. Expectation: Seeing how upset you've made each other will make you realize how much you love each other!
Reality: You'll get freaked out by each other's weeping.
5. Expectation: You'll spend the first post-breakup evening making yourself look as awesome as possible, wear your tightest freakum dress, and rebound with a ridiculously hot guy from da club.
Reality: You'll spend the evening in bed, watching Sex and the City and dropping caramel popcorn all over yourself without caring.
6. Expectation: You're mature enough to stay Facebook friends with him and not stalk his profile daily.
Reality: When a picture of him with a bunch of girls at a bar pops up on your feed at work, you have a tiny, imperceptible breakdown until you can get to the office bathroom and have a real breakdown.
7. Expectation: Your friends will give you as much time as you need to decompress and heal.
Reality: After a brief grace period, your friends will start getting kind of annoyed about how self-centered you've been. (And you have been.)
8. Expectation: You'll throw yourself into work, health, or creative projects with a new gusto and wind up propelling yourself to massive success on the wings of your pain.
Reality: You'll accidentally memorize the backs of potato chips, ice cream and snack cakes. You now also call the delivery guy by his first name. "Thanks, Kuya Jun."
9. Expectation: Within one month, he will become nothing more than a sniveling, unattractive shell of himself and you'll wonder why you ever even liked him.
Reality: Within one month, he will lose five pounds and look more gwapo than you've ever seen him.
10. Expectation: Within three months, he'll be standing outside your window in the rain begging to get you back.
Reality: Within three months, you'll realize there are more fish in the sea than that one fish. And you'll stop looking out your window for him.
11. Expectation: You don't think about him much anymore but it's tough eating out alone.
Reality: You're no-strings hooking up with that hot friend you always wanted, but the timing was bad. Oh, and eating out alone is awesome.
12. Expectation: You lose half your friends because they were his friends too.
Reality: The people who really love you can't get stolen. If they did, they weren't gonna stick around anyway.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.