Compared to when I was younger, the traits and flaws that made me say “No thanks!” to a potential partner have already evolved from garden-variety thoughts to more serious stuff. Gone are the days when I think of mundane traits—as I don’t focus on mere looks and charm as I developed a more prudent taste when searching for The One now.
Not only are the stakes higher, but because as you grow older, you also don’t want to waste your time on someone whose beliefs and values you aren’t aligned with anymore, amirite?
One of the factors largely affecting couples in their 20s is independence—since it’s a cultural Pinoy trait for Pinoys to be family-oriented and close to their parents. Some women even see it as a “red flag” if their man is a so-called mama’s boy— seemingly incapable of detaching and highly dependent on his mother even for decisions concerning romantic relationships.
That said, there’s a current debate on whether it’s healthy to date mama’s boys—or whether it’s a telltale sign to run the opposite way if you come across one.
Signs that he’s a mama’s boy:
1. He runs every decision by his mom.
It’s normal to seek advice from parents, but mama’s boys always go to mom for even the simplest decisions, including those concerning their SOs.
2. He’s in constant communication with his mom.
We all FaceTime our parents for updates, but mama’s boys are in ~*constant*~ communication with their moms, actively messaging them all the time and loving it.
3. He always takes his mom’s side.
Mama’s boys deeply admire their mothers—after all, she raised him and taught him life’s important values. That said, it’s hard to disagree with his mom as he’ll most likely take her side and not yours. In his book, she can never go wrong!
4. His mom spoils him a lot.
It’s almost a no-brainer, but mama’s boys are used to being taken care of, so you’ll probably come across someone whose needs and wants are constantly met by his mother.
The pros to dating a mama’s boy:
If the person you’re dating is a mama’s boy—it’s not all bad, tbh! We talked to esteemed relationship coach Sanaiyah Gurnamal, and asked her thoughts on the matter. She shared a sensible reason for how being a mama’s boy can be a green flag. “Loyalty's always important in a relationship. And a man with his mom's back will likely have yours, too,” she said.
She clears that setting boundaries is important. “But, and here's the thing, watch out for warning signs. If he's too wrapped up in his mama's world or can't make a move without her say-so, he might be a bit too much of a mama's boy for you.”
What to do if I’m dating a mama’s boy?
If you find yourself in a knee-deep relationship with a mama's boy, Sanaiyah advises you never to squeeze yourself between him and his mom. “That's their thing, and it's been their thing way before you came into the picture. Show some respect,” she said. Don’t even start complaining about his mama, as that’s a “no-go zone.”
The important thing is to set some ground rules, and to make it clear what’s okay and what’s not when it comes to his mother. Never make him pick between you and her - it's like asking for relationship trouble. It's all about finding that balance, where you both feel respected and happy in the mix.
If you need a happy story, Sanaiyah herself is together with a mama’s boy—a single mom who has the best relationship with his son. “He is so much of his own person and completely independent. And I’m his number 1. I’ve handled his mom like a pro; he is her only child, so you can imagine how hard it might be for her to respect boundaries. But it works,” she shared.
There you have it, ladies! At the end of the day, it’s important to be with someone who treats women with love and respect—and a man who has a strong, supportive relationship with his mother might just be the perfect candidate.