If the goal is just to have an orgasm, NBD. You can get there yourself with your hand, a vibrator, or whatever mad-scientist DIY sex toy you rigged up on day 817 of quarantine. And self-wanks are fantastic—keep it up. (May is National Masturbation month so, hell, celebrate it every damn day. See also: “I Masturbated Every Morning Before Work, and Wow, Was It Amazing.”)
But the thing that can make sex really sublime is when you can have another person there to experience it with you. Even though there are interesting body parts rubbing against each other, it’s really about the connection, the intensity, and what happens between two (or however many) people in the throes of it all. Maybe you’ve gotten into a routine with your partner, be it because you’re quarantined together or you’ve been together for a while even before then. Regardless, changing things up to put an emphasis on seeing each other’s faces can bring your intimacy to new levels (not to mention maximum opportunity for making out).
Caitlin Moran describes this kind of focused attention on another in her book How to Build a Girl.
“Here’s the amazing thing about sex: You get a whole person to yourself, for the first time since you were a baby. Someone who is looking at you—just you—and thinking about you and wanting you….You are in a room with a closed door, and no one else can come through it….It seemed to me that this was the real reason people wanted to fuck so much. To get here. To get to this tiny, quiet place where there was nothing else to do but be with each other. Just to be two humans who had—for a short while—stopped wanting.”
*tugs on collar nervously* I know, right? Anyone else hot in here or just me? If you wanna replicate aforementioned hotness, here are some ways to get there:
Sit back in an armchair (probably throw a towel on it first) with your hips at the edge of the seat. Your partner kneels on the floor for deep penetration and all the eye contact y’all can handle. If penetration is not your thing, they’re also in the perfect spot for oral or rubbing your vulva with hand or toy.
Switch up gender/power dynamics by getting on top in missionary. Even though the same body parts are rubbing together, it can feel really different—in a good way—to be the fucker instead of the fuckee.
Lie on your sides facing each other and wrap your upper leg over your partner’s hips. Use your leg to rock them toward and away from you. The rocking is weirdly comforting (plus you’re controlling the speed) and there’s lots of intimate eye contact. Works for penetration or mutual masturbation.
Your partner kneels, you straddle their thighs. Hold on to their shoulders for stellar eye contact and leverage. They can thrust up, you can thrust down, and for more clit stim, grind against their pubic bone. (Or for a more direct approach, just reach down and start rubbing.)
Show and Tell
One of the most intimate things you can do with a partner is masturbate in front of them. Get on your knees facing each other and just start touching yourselves. You can start by grazing your hands down your body and teasing each other or just dive right in. Your eye contact will come and go—there’s a lot of other good stuff to be looking at—but try to watch each other’s eyes through your orgasms. Deep, man.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.