The internet has witnessed the highs and lows of my dating life: I’ve shared my LDR story (Spoiler: That’s over); and I’ve also done a Bumble experiment to amp up my dating pool. Needless to say, I like being able to share my dating stories and experiences—especially when they’re quite daunting. I mean, someone out there might be going through the same thing and I’d like to think that I could help them kahit paano.
So I'm here to give you an update on my love life: Last night, I went out on a date after two years of basically avoiding ALL potentially romantic connections.
Why this is a big deal for me
In early 2018, I was in a relatively happy, long-distance relationship. But after a couple of months, I found myself in an unhealthy state, and it made me want to focus on myself. I was mentally and emotionally unstable, and I didn’t want to drag him into my mess. Plus, I started to feel like my then-partner couldn’t keep up with the expectations I had for our relationship. There was also some not-so-slight emotional cheating involved.
My last relationship broke me. It took me more than a year to move on.
Long story short: My last relationship broke me. It took me more than a year to move on. The following year, I isolated myself even more by not entertaining any romantic prospects.
TBH, this wasn’t always the case. In fact, I used to move on very fast, jumping from one relationship to the next. But, this one just changed me. For two years, I treated the world of dating as an unknown realm that I absolutely didn’t want to step into.
Ready for a fresh start
I told myself that in 2020, I would try again—I'm ready to put myself out there.
So I did what most people my age do: I started swiping, lol! Bumble was my way of going back to the dating world. Most conversations made me want to uninstall the app, save for this one guy who—surprisingly—piqued my interest.
We talked for a few days and inevitably, he asked me out. At first, I hesitated because I felt like I didn't know how to go on dates anymore. In the two years that I remained completely single, I would only hang out with friends. Night-outs and dinner plans were limited to purely platonic interactions. Real dates that could lead to something else? Hard pass.
But again, it’s a new decade and it’s time to let the rest of the world meet ~*Karla 2.0*~. So, I said yes and we made plans. I asked to meet up somewhere near my workplace and thankfully, he agreed.
At the beginning of the date, I was unusually shy despite the fact that we'd been talking non-stop for weeks. He knows quite a few things about me and I’d like to think that I knew him. Still, it felt weird.
I’m usually very talkative but that night was completely different. There were moments when I would find myself withholding some stories because of the ~*rules of dating*~. For example, you’re not supposed to share too much about your personal life because this might turn them off.
So, what happened?
I wouldn’t say that the date was bad. I enjoyed it *enough* and that’s what’s important, right? But honestly, there were so many ways that it could’ve gone better (like, waaay better).
I wish I didn't hold back as much as I did. The “dating rules” I mentioned earlier? They shouldn’t even exist! I should just be able to talk about whatever I want. If I want to tell him about the embarrassing time that I got too drunk and sprained my foot, then I should be free to do so.
Also, I wish I could've gotten out of my head and just enjoyed whatever the ~*universe*~ brought my way. Sometimes, I let my expectations get the best of me and I beat myself up when I don’t reach them. From now on, I’ll make it a point to go on dates with an open mind and eventually, an open heart.
By now, you’re probably wondering how the date went. Well, I guess I could say that it was fun, but I don’t see it progressing into something more.
My first date after two years wasn’t so bad and I’m glad I went despite multiple hesitations. Like I said, this is the year when I put myself out there again. If I do find someone worthy of more than just a first date, then good for me! If not, well, at least I tried.
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