We live in an era where people “do it for the ‘gram,” from influencers showcasing every sponsored moment of their lives to PDA couples who enjoy proclaiming their love online. A 2014 study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that couples who over-post and overshare on social media may be masking their insecurities in the relationship. This theory is backed by other psychological research, which said that “when people felt more insecure about their partner’s feelings, they tended to make their relationships visible” in order to portray a certain image.
We searched high and low and found 10 millennial and milleXial guys who don’t do it for the ‘gram. When it comes to their relationships, here’s why they prefer to keep it low-key.
Andric, 18, in a relationship with Grace, 18
What I think of couples who overshare on social media: In my opinion, couples who share/post in social media are only showing people how proud they are of their relationship. It is a sign of appreciation. But seeing couples who overshare on social media is uncomfortable for me, because it lessens the privacy of their relationship.
Why I don’t over-post and overshare: Keeping our relationship low-key is a romantic act for both of us. We like to keep our relationship status to ourselves and to our friends. Posting photos of me and my girlfriend with captions like “I love you baby” isn’t our thing. We’d rather show our affection personally and privately.
How my GF feels about this: Based on her personal experiences, she sees real couples who overshare and over-post stuff about their relationship online, but fight and have a lot of issues with their relationship IRL. They act like they’re perfect on social media, when in reality they have a lot of issues to fix or are in an ongoing fight. She said that she’s completely fine with me not posting any pictures of us together. Sometimes, whenever I do post a picture of us, she gets annoyed at me because she thinks that she looks ugly in the picture, haha!
Wilson, 36, married to Contessa, 37
What I think of couples who overshare on social media: Personally I think it looks insanely self-indulgent. I don’t mind if couples post here and there, like an engagement pic or “in a relationship” picture. I am capable of being happy for other people and friends, so they get one “like” and the plain-sounding but honest “congrats” comment from me, because I know how happy it is when you find that someone. On the other hand, monthsaries, anniversaries, and the birthday couple shots, coupled with a Friendster-like testimonial is overdoing it. Over-posting seems like a shout of, “Look at us! We’re special! We’re happy!” I hate loud, be it noise or Facebook posts. I’m a fan of a little humility on social media posts.
Why I don’t over-post and overshare: We got into a relationship prior to the boom of social media. I did not need Facebook to know her full name or rummage through her posts to form a hypothesis on what kind of person she is. Slate absolutely clean. We got to learn about each other one date at a time—like real people breathing air and not with sore thumbs scrolling down a Facebook newsfeed, deciphering if I have a shot at her, or chatting with my “best personal but outdated pic” on the computer screen, or creepily liking her every single post that I don’t even bother to read. I simply got to know her better without a smart phone. Okay, Yahoo Messenger did save me a lot on prepaid loads. Pre-social media expressions of courtship or love might be getting lost. It’s not something that’s easy to get back.
How my wife feels about this: I think she is fine with my sparse posts about our relationship. We both have the same views on oversharing and over-posting. We’re in love, and we chose to keep it to ourselves. We’re too busy oversharing our lives to each other. Social media can wait.
Jonathan, 21, law student, in a relationship with Dyan, 22
What I think of couples who overshare on social media: To be blunt but nice about it, I don’t really like it. To be harsh, I hate it.
Why I don’t over-post and overshare: Relationships are very special and the bond you have with each other is one of the most beautiful experiences there is. When you over-share all those intimate and special moments with your SO on social media, it cheapens the whole thing. Those deep and memorable moments, special walks, late-night talks about life, and that simple but beautiful moment when you just sat by the bay and watched the sunset… are all suddenly reduced to a cheesy Facebook post or an Instagram photo with a witty caption. On top of that, sometimes the date becomes more about getting that perfect shot or that witty post rather than actually living in the moment and enjoying each other’s presence. Don’t get me wrong. I take pictures with my girlfriend, too. In fact, I am a serious hobbyist photographer who also loves taking pictures and getting that perfect shot. I get it. However, one thing I’ve learned from taking photos is that you must know when to stop, put down the camera, turn it off, and just live in the moment. Forget about that post, tweet, or IG story, and enjoy that moment, because you’ll never get that time back!
How my GF feels about this: She agrees completely. She believes that you don’t need the likes and approval of the public to reassure yourself that you are indeed happy in a relationship. Happy couples do not have time to tell the world what they are doing in every date and event.
Ephraim, 31, in a new relationship with Geraldine, 29
What I think of couples who overshare on social media: I respect couples who over-share on social media. I just find it awkward when they argue online as if they’ve hated each other for a long time! Come on, they are using social media as a facade of being a perfect couple. They even use the hashtag #relationshipgoals, when in fact one of them is totally compromising just to validate the partner.
Why I don’t over-post and overshare: Sharing everything about my girlfriend on social media is not really my thing. People have the instinct to first judge you online. I post about my relationship whenever I experience the value of joy and gratitude during moments we are together. Aside from that, I think I am worthy of being in love and staying there even without the validation of likes and praising comments from other people—people who were not even there during my life’s highs and lows.
How my GF feels about this: My girlfriend is totally assured and she feels secure with me. She understands my point and I think these things work for us in a lot of ways.
Ricky, 30, in a relationship with Chuchille, 29
What I think of couples who overshare on social media: For me, if it makes their relationship stronger by showing off (through social media) how happy and proud they are to have each other, then why not? As long as it helps them both.
Why I don’t over-post and overshare: I’d rather choose to let people see for themselves behind the camera. Don’t get me wrong; I do post during our special times like our anniversary and birthdays. It’s just that for me, when you talk about rare posts, it’s a great motivation and inspiration for others, especially when they see, read, or hear that you’ve been together for such a long time. For me, what’s important are the memories and moments that both of us share in our hearts and minds. And it’s a great story to share to our future kids and grandkids.
How my GF feels about this: When we first got together, naninibago siya. Because she loves taking pictures! But she chooses which ones to post. She did learn to adjust as time passed. Right now she posts more about her family as I post more about my work and teachings.
Aladdin, 35, married to Crisha, 35
What I think of couples who overshare on social media: I feel uncomfortable seeing couples over-post their pictures on social media. It seems to me that these couples are trying too hard to prove to other people that their relationship is stable.
Why I don’t over-post and overshare: There should be a degree of privacy in a relationship for it to remain special. Over-posting online almost feels like pieces of the relationship are being chipped and shared away. Also, I don’t feel like adding more useless stuff (our photos) to other people’s social media feeds.
How my wife feels about this: My wife is perfectly okay with me not posting photos of us online. We don’t even do public displays of affection. She shares the same sentiment on over-posting but to a slightly lesser degree.
Jason, 34, married to Leona, 33
What I think of couples who overshare on social media: For me, these couples are the ones who are really not contented with their relationships, since they require affirmation on everything that they do.
Why I don’t over-post and overshare: For security. Some people may take advantage of the things you post on social media. We really enjoy having our privacy.
How my wife feels about this: We share the same sentiment.
Caloy, 28, in a relationship with Isai, 27
What I think of couples who overshare on social media: I think social media oversharing, in general, is too toxic at times. People forget—invisibility is a super power.
Why I don’t over-post and overshare: I used to cringe a lot when I would see online PDA. I must admit that it all changed when I met Isai. Gets ko na! Feeling ko kasi dati some details of relationships should be kept private simply cause of the idea that once it’s on social media, it’s for the world to see na. I really didn’t like oversharing before. But Isai is the type who likes posting photos, and is vocal about how she feels nice when I post photos of us as well. So I adjusted na. Now my feed constantly has her na din! It’s because she likes it and I’ve learned that these simple acts, with deep meanings, mean a lot to her. We also went through an LDR, and online communication—whether public or private—really helped bridge the gap! Actually it was probably LDR season that really changed my views on social media sharing. But I guess this is tempered din. You don’t have to post your every move—nawawala yung pagka-special niya. Posting on social media is kind of like announcing to a roomful of people in your life—from your grade school classmate whom you haven’t seen since grade school to your ninongs—that you are in a very happy relationship with your girlfriend. That’s actually quite special! But too much of that violates your privacy and the privacy of the people around you as well. The act is special, so it helps to keep it special by not overdoing it.
How my GF feels about this: Kinikilig yata siya.
Banjo, 32, in a relationship with Mimi, 32
What I think of couples who overshare on social media: Those who post too much about their relationships might have control issues. Posting everything can be their way to gain control over their partner. If both of them are oversharing, I see it mostly as vanity. The idea of sharing personal moments online still feels weird to me and I might not be able to see it as normal anytime soon.
Why I don’t over-post and overshare: Happiness in a relationship is kind of mundane to those not experiencing it. Talking, watching stuff, cooking together, or going outside are not exciting for observers, and they get repetitive overtime. Seeing something over and over in your feed is annoying, too. It also helps that we have no public image to maintain, so there’s no necessity to post. What we usually post are stuff that we do together that might offer something positive for our friends. The personal stuff, we just keep to ourselves.
How my GF feels about this: She’s not very active in social media but she usually unfollows or blocks people once they get on her nerves. Her social media is mostly cats, food, and travel.
John, 22, in a relationship with Diana, 23
What I think of couples who overshare on social media: People who overshare their relationship in social media just seem to care about their social status outside of their own relationships. I’m not saying all, but the majority of the people who share their lives outside their own lives value the social status and the parental status that they will receive. Furthermore, people do not give a f*** if you give your BF/GF an expensive gift.
Why I don’t over-post and overshare: Me and my girl just like to have our privacy. We can share or make it public to every person if we want to, but we choose not to. We get cheesy with our friends, sure, but oks lang naman sa kanila.
How my GF feels about this: My partner feels good about this interview. She likes that it’s liberating, but it makes her feel more liberated.