For many men, anal sex brings mixed emotions. For some, it’s highly sought after and unattainable. For others, it’s not that big of a deal. And then there are those men who know that anal comes with its own set of unique “problems.”
1. The fear of getting poop all over their weiner.
Not to be blunt or anything. Yes, using a condom prevents that. But as the saying goes, “Bears don’t stick their paw in a beehive and expect it not to get sticky.” Rationally, guys know they're not going to pull out and discover their penis is some sort of chocolate-covered banana, but in reality, there's obviously the chance of some...messiness. The truth is, he’s probably going to need a really good scrub-down afterward. And more than likely he'll also have to shampoo his pubes a few times. Shampoo. His. Pubes. Let that sink in.
2. Knowing that this is probably going to be very tender love-making.
Facts are facts. The scientific nature of the butt is that it doesn't get naturally lubricated the way other, equally mysterious parts of the human anatomy do. Therefore, it's much more likely he’s going to have to go slow and take his time. Which is fine; it comes with the territory. But if he digs the kind of sensation that comes from quicker thrusts, or if he's just in the mood for rough, passionate sex, this is a serious exercise in patience.
3. Having to really ease into it.
With vaginal sex, it’s relatively easy to get right down to business if the mood strikes. Anal requires a lot of warming up and preparation. It’s like having the choice between eating a Gogurt from the fridge or making risotto from scratch. You might love risotto, but sometimes it's just way too much effort.
4. It requires more trust than usual.
Yes, any sex act should require trust, but anal might be doubly so. You need to trust that he's going to be responsive and communicative, but he also needs to trust that you’re not going to poop without at least trying to warn him first. Very few other sex things come with that particular caveat.
5. It pretty much means everything else is out the window.
For obvious hygiene purposes, once you commit to anal, you commit to anal. No more oral, probably no hand stuff. That’s it. Anal is the last destination on the sex express and after that, it’s out of service.
6. Too many people try it for the wrong reasons.
If you’re doing this as a “special treat” for him, it's really the wrong reason to do something. All of the bizarre mystique surrounding anal sex makes it something guys have built up in their imaginations, creating a sense of curiosity that doesn't always apply to other sex things. That curiosity can lead to an undue sense of pressure to try anal sex, even if it's something you're both not into. There is nothing worse than one person gritting their teeth through something that's supposed to fun and exciting, that's really just awkward and uncomfortable. If you think this would be the case for you, just take a hard pass.
7. Butt holes look funny right after sex.
I'm not going to elaborate much further here, but it's like peering into a black hole. You'll get sucked in if you stare too long.
8. He can’t relax afterward.
You're both going to want serious showers afterward before anyone's butts or genitals touch the sheets.
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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.