Sorry, no results were found for

7 Things He’s REALLY Thinking During Doggy Style Sex

Basketball is only the beginning.
PHOTO: getty images

If you truly want to know what’s in a man’s heart while he’s engaged in doggy-style sex, it’s nothing but darkness. Darkness and primal fear. We are nothing more than primal lizards, all of us. Bodies with urges. Synapses firing wildly in a desperate attempt to procreate and survive. Just kidding. Anyway, here are some other things he’s probably thinking about during sex, like his weiner and stuff.

  1. It was a mistake to get into this position so early.

    For a lot of dudes/men/males/bros/etc, doggy style is a personal favorite. It’s not always a great idea to lead off with a favorite, especially if it means he’s just going to finish early. Consider going to see your favorite band, and they play their best song right at the top. All the sudden, the rest of the concert seems a little less special. Having sex is nothing like going to a concert, but still, you sort of get it, right?

    Continue reading below ↓
  2. This is a good time to take a mental snapshot. 

    There are moments you never want to forget. A beautiful, scenic sunset. A memory of a loved one. And his penis going in and out of you. The kinds of memories you’ll cherish forever.
  3. Just thinkin’ about basketball. 

    The old “think about basketball” trick really is helpful if he’s trying to last longer. He might be thinking about basketball, or why he was told to think about basketball in the first place (arguably, this is the real “trick”). It might not be basketball, but odds are he’s thinking about something to distract him. 
  4. I’m having sex. 

    Again, this bears mentioning, if only because it’s probably what he’s most focused on. There are some tasks you might zone out during. No one goes on long car trips and thinks, “I’m driving a car” the whole time. They zone out. They daydream. And while he might not literally be thinking the words “I’m having sex” over and over, he’s definitely not zoning out, either.
  5. He’s got an itch right in the crease of his leg. 

    And there’s no way to itch it without bending his body in a weird way. Sartre was wrong. This is hell.
  6. Where should he put his hands? 

    There’s a concept in production called the Iron Triangle. The idea is that when manufacturing goods, they can be made fast, made well, and made cheaply, but you can only ever have two of the three. In this sense, hand placement during doggy style has its own Iron Triangle. He can go for the reach around, the boob grab, or general stabilization. Alas, with only two hands, he cannot have all three. Just as the titans of industry grapple with the dilemma of the Iron Triangle, so too does a man grapple with his own limitations while in the throes of passion.
  7. It’s a shame kneepads aren’t sexier. 

    Knee pads probably aren’t within reach, but they’d be nice to have if you’re going doggy-style on the floor.
Continue reading below ↓
Continue reading below ↓
Recommended Videos

Follow Frank on Twitter.

***

This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.