Step 3 - Stimulate their whole vulva

While the external part of the clitoris is the most sensitive, the majority of the organ (and it is an organ) is actually hidden inside the labia and around the vagina. Stimulating other parts of the clitoris can lead to a more satisfying experience and intense orgasm.

So, while you focus most of your attention on the (external) clit, don't be afraid to mix it up and lick, kiss, suck other parts of their vulva and labia.

"For more intense sensations, you can use your whole mouth to stimulate their vulva - a little similar to motorboating but slower, more sensual, and definitely no sound effects," suggests Uren.


When it comes to the clit, lick it up, down, and all around, but remain focused on and aware of the pressure of your tongue. Start off lightly and gradually increase the pressure and speed if their body responses and noises point to yes. You can also play with the shape of your tongue on the clitoris in order to mix it up. Some people like a broad flat tongue, others like a more pointy tip. It really is a matter of personal preference and exploring what your partner prefers by listening to how their body reacts.

You can also try the Kivin Method, if you're feeling really brave. It claims to get women and people with vulvas to orgasm in a matter of minutes... Whether you believe that or not, it's fun to try! It’s actually really simple: instead of coming at oral sex from in between your partner's legs, approach it from the side and lick up and down.


Step 4 - Ask if they like it

Seriously, ask if they like it. Not only does this add a good intro to dirty talk (very important!), but also, not all vulvas are the same – far from it. Vulvas come in all shapes, sizes, colours, sensitivities, so you're going to run into many different preferences depending on your partner at the time.

More pressure or a certain tonguing may be better for one person versus another. They may prefer it slow, or hard, or in circles, or up and down. If you're already passing this with flying colours, asking how they like it is a 100 per cent turn on anyway and opens the door to more honest sexual communication.

Plus, don't be afraid to show them how much you like it. "Be enthusiastic and let your partner know you are enjoying yourself to help them relax into it," suggests Uren.


Step 5 - Try using accessories

Using a sex toy while going down on someone can ramp up the experience even further. If they're okay with it (you need to ask beforehand), you could use a bullet, wand vibrator or clit vibrator on their clitoris while fingering them or focusing on other parts of their vulva.

Some people really enjoy internal stimulation during oral, so you could try using a dildo or vibrator alongside sucking or licking their clitoris. Pro tip: "Try stroking the front wall of their vagina rather than going for hard thrusting," says Uren.

    Oh, and we can't say this enough: try out a touch of flavoured lube to make the experience all the more exciting for you...

    "Use a sex positioning pillow or a regular cushion to prop their hips up, as it opens the whole genital area and will save your neck! This position is also great if you want to explore rimming," suggests Uren.


    Step 6 - Get other areas involved

    The same way some people with penises like to have their balls played with during a blow job, you might want to stimulate other parts of your partner’s vulva or body while you're eating them out.

    Run your fingers down their thighs, grab their hips, or reach for their breasts/chest and massage those too if that’s what they’re into. There are plenty of options.

    Use your fingers if they have given enthusiastic consent. Slowly insert a finger into their vagina and wait for their response to see if it feels OK (or ask!). Move it in and out slowly to start with, curling your finger up towards their stomach to hit the G-spot. Massage it gently, and if they like it and agree, you can go harder and faster.

    All the while remember to *never* neglect the clitoris.

    Step 7 - Switch it up

    Keep switching it up (unless they're clearly really enjoying it and don't want you to stop). The clitoris is very sensitive and if you play with it too hard for too long, it might be too stimulating and cause discomfort or pain. Experiment with pressure and dot some light kisses on that clitoris.


    But remember: "If your partner tells you they are close to orgasm, it's important to keep going with the same pressure and rhythm," advises Uren.

    Step 8 - Try the Kivin method

    The Kivin method, previously touched on above, is an oral sex technique often touted as a "cunnilingus trick" that apparently helps people with vulvas reach orgasm in just three minutes.

    We know, it sounds dubious as hell – and it’s not really a good idea to start timing your partner’s orgasms or implementing any “one size fits all” rules when it comes to sex. Everyone is really different, so there's no way the Kivin method can work for everyone. But, as long as you know that, you can just have fun trying it.

    So how does the Kivin method work? Basically, you come at it from the side. Yep, instead of positioning yourself between your partner's legs, get beside them. Raise their clit and steady it by popping your index finger and thumb on either side of it. Then, instead of licking up and down, go from side to side across the clit or clitoral hood (depending on how sensitive they are and what they like – keep asking what works for them).


    Step 9 - *If* they orgasm

    If they orgasm (because not everyone will, and that's OK!) be sure to keep doing what you're doing when they're getting close. You can tell they're about to come because they'll either tell you explicitly or you’ll be able to guess from their body signals: their breathing might quicken and they might grab your hair. But whatever you do, don't stop what you're doing until they've ridden that wave.

    Don't be disheartened if they don't orgasm - it's not the end goal of sex and doesn't determine whether someone felt pleasure or enjoyed a sexual experience.

    "Some people also enjoy pressure or gentle stimulation during or after their climax while others are too sensitive. Try to be attentive to your partner’s body language — do they move into you or away from you?" add Uren.

    "Don't put any pressure or expectation on your partner to have an orgasm, as this can create performance anxiety for both of you. Plus, oral sex can be very pleasurable, even without having an orgasm. Instead, focus on pleasure and connection."


    *This story originally appeared on Minor edits have been made by editors.