Today, we’re here to talk about masturbation (because let’s face it, we missed out on learning about it growing up and had to ~study~ on our own). And even if you know it in theory or have had some experience in self-pleasure (a special shout-out to all the pillow humpers out there), there’s a good chance you’ve never fingered yourself before—reaching for a vibrator or going for penetrative sex right away. While both of those are great, there’s still something different about getting to know your body when you touch yourself. Plus, vibrators break, and the last thing you want is to be unfulfilled just because you don’t know how to use your phalanges, lol.
So how exactly do you finger yourself?
How to finger yourself: Trim your nails.
Have you ever wounded yourself while shaving your vagina? Even the smallest cut can feel like a bitch. Thankfully, minor cuts heal pretty quickly. To make sure you don’t hurt yourself when you first try fingering, make sure to trim your nails beforehand. It’s also a good idea so you stay on the safe side: Long nails mean a higher risk of bacteria getting stuck on your nail beds. This could lead to urinary tract infections (UTI) and bacterial vaginosis—both of which don’t sound spectacular. Also, of course, don’t forget to wash your hands.
How to finger yourself: Get comfortable.
Imagine feeling hot and bothered by your damn self only to have your sibling or housemate interrupt you? Not cute. When you decide to finger yourself, make sure you’re in a space that’s private—so you don’t have to worry about anybody walking in—and comfortable. It’s hard to get in the moment if you’re not relaxed and worrying about who might catch you.
How to finger yourself: Start slow.
When it comes to self-pleasure, a lot of it has to do with getting in the zone and setting the mood. It’s not just about sticking your finger up there and hoping for an orgasm. Run your hands all over your body slowly and figure out where you like being caressed the most. Is it your neck? Your breasts? Your waist? Your inner thighs? It’s different for everybody. You could do this with some oil and actually give yourself a massage. It could also be relaxing if you’re a little nervous.
How to finger yourself: Think all the dirty thoughts.
Hey, if your mind is turned on, your body won’t be able to help it, tbh. Allow yourself to think about anything—that one-night stand that blew your mind, that extremely attractive stranger you saw at the grocery, or even a sexual fantasy that’s a little outside the box. Don’t limit yourself. No one but you will know what’s in your head so let your freak flag fly, girl.
How to finger yourself: Say hello to your clitoris.
There’s a good chance that you haven’t been acquainted with your clitoris, and that’s something that needs to change. For a lot of women (not all), it’s what helps them orgasm. It’s located at the top of your vulva, like a mini hood. Gently rub the clitoris; if the sensation is too intense, you can slowly rub around it first. Move your fingers up and down or side to side and see what feels better.
How to finger yourself: Consider using lube.
If you’re not wet enough—don’t worry, it happens—it’ll be handy to have some lube within reach. A lot of studies have found that using lube during sex increases the pleasure and satisfaction of the act. Who says that can’t be true when you’re flying solo?
How to finger yourself: Slide your finger in.
Start with one finger first—partially or all the way in. When it feels more comfortable, try inserting another. Next, bend your fingers so the tip touches the vaginal wall—this will feel really, really good. There’s really no wrong way to start moving once you’re in. The important thing is to find rhythm. An orgasm takes time, and you’ll need to build up to it. With your free hand, you can rub your breasts—play with your nipples, specifically.
How to finger yourself: Try different positions.
You don’t have to lie on your back the entire time. Just like sex, you can pleasure yourself in any position you want: standing up, sitting down, leaning against the wall, in the shower, whatever you want! We recommend lying on your stomach and reaching down for a better angle.