It's wedding month, and your coupled-up girlfriends are dreaming up the perfect wedding and snuggling up to their long-term lovers. If you've yet to find your one and only, it could very well be that the time just isn't ripe. Or it could be that you've been eluding love--your dates are the type to flee at the slightest hint of commitment, or maybe...you're not so keen on the idea yourself.
Jillian Strauss, author of the buzzed-about book Unhooked Generation: The Truth About Why We're Still Single, talks about why so many people of this generation are flying solo. Read on to see if these romance hurdles are tripping you up.
Why Gen X-ers Can't Seem To Settle Down
Gen X-ers (both guys and girls) are searching for love in an anti-commitment world. Since separation is so common, people are scared to get hitched. Plus, trends like speed and Internet dating let us connect with loads of potential partners, so we're always wondering if there's someone better out there. As a result, when we finally consider settling down, it can feel like we're settling.
How To Be More Positive About Committing
To devote yourself to a steady partner, fight the urge to think what am I missing out on? Instead, focus on what you're gaining. If you dedicate a lot of time to bonding with someone, you have a greater chance of discovering all the awesome things about him. Couples interviewed by Strauss told her that when they completely invested in each other, they fell more deeply in love.
You've Been Seeing This Guy, And You Want To Know Your Status
In the past we had obvious markers—like promise rings and bracelets—to show commitment. Today people have to create their own signs of growing interest. Get involved in his life by making an effort to meet his friends and family. If he lets you into these parts of his world, that's a cue he’s thinking long-term. If you still need more, just say to him "I like you and I don't want to see other people." His reaction will tell you where you stand.
Be Upfront About What You Want
"When I talked to women about why they broke up with a boyfriend, they'd say things like 'He didn't call when I wanted him to,'" says Strauss. "But when I asked them if they told their boyfriends to call, they usually said no." Ladies, listen up: Men aren't mind readers. You have to let them know what you want. Since women are so independent and want such different stuff, he probably just has another expectation of what you like. He could assume that if he called you too soon, he'd scare you off.
How To Tell If He's Really The One
What might draw you to a man in the beginning—he's a blast at parties or both of you love to play badminton—isn't as important in the long run. The real gauge of a lasting connection is having shared values, like prioritizing family.