Being cheated on can have such a detrimental, and long-lasting effect on your sense of self and future relationships. Betrayal can shatter your trust, and it's incredibly hard to regain that. Here, 11 women who had insecurities about being cheated on, explain how they got over their fears.
- "I guess I just realized that if he's gonna cheat on me, he's gonna do it regardless of what I do because I cannot control his actions. So, worrying about it is pointless, and only going to make me unhappy—and possibly put strain on our relationship. Basically I grew up and mellowed." [via]
- "I think the lack of my worrying about this has given us a better relationship. I would compare it to saying the word divorce after marriage... if you start threatening it, it's always out there and will cause significant decline. If there is never mention of it, your relationship is stronger." [via]
- "I had been cheated on in more relationships than I hadn’t, when I finally had this revelation. My relationships are so much more easy and mellow. I still get bouts of jealousy sometimes, but I’m much more open about my feelings now, and constructive in how I express them. Jealousy isn't a damaging component in my relationship anymore." [via]
- "Open and honest communication to start with. I am very honest about how my ex's cheating destroyed our marriage. I have learned to date better men. I feel like my standards are higher now. If a guy I am dating doesn't feel like I'm enough woman for him, I cut him loose. I don't stress over men the way I used to. I know my worth and want a man who also values my worth. I would much rather be happy alone, than miserable with the wrong guy." [via]
- "Lots of therapy. Journaling my thoughts and feelings, and forcing myself to come up with alternative explanations besides the worst case scenario that my brain tends to jump to." [via]
- "I learned to trust my gut. Because I always had that gut freakin' feeling, and I was always right... The next guy I dated, I had such a good feeling about, I never worried about him cheating. Felt amazing." [via]
- "Time. I had been cheated six out of eight times, and the other two were because my insecurities ruined the relationship. I met my husband on Tinder and decided to give him a chance, despite being way out of my league. I would have fits of jealousy, and because he is such a laid-back guy, the comments he got (and my anger) went right over his head. Over time, his best qualities came out. Loyalty was at the top of that list, then dedication, determination, and reliability." [via]
- "Dating better guys who make me feel special, and I can see myself being compatible with in the long run, instead of dating guys who were somewhat into me, but made me feel I was an option. Understanding my boundaries and accepting some things are too uncomfortable for me (at least for now). Like, I'm fine with a significant other staying friends with ex-girlfriends—not OK with former FWBs, unless it was a brief thing and a long time ago. And accepting anything might happen but the end of a relationship isn't the end of the world. I still fear getting cheated on, but if a SO can do it, he will do it. And if he does it, it means he's not someone I should be with anyway." [via]
- "I found someone I could trust." [via]
- "Communication, communication, communication. Trust is easily lost and incredibly hard to build afterwards, even with a different person. The best way to overcome paranoia is to be open about it, and talk about it—otherwise it will continue to feed itself and grow." [via]
- "Maybe a weird way out of this, but I just don't do monogamous relationships anymore. Yes, it's still possible to cheat even if you have an open relationship, but the types of people who cheat in polyamory are easier to spot than monogamous cheaters. Poly cheaters get a reputation in the community as shitty people." [via]
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com/uk. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.