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9 Women Get Real About How They Deal With Jealousy In Friendships

Jealousy isn't inherently negative.
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Jealousy in a relationship or in a friendship is common and normal, but so often we're told our feelings of jealousy are wrong and toxic. Experiencing jealousy isn't inherently negative unless the behaviors we then display once we feel jealous are counterproductive. But, if we can reflect on why we feel jealous of our partners or friends, we can use that to find out more about ourselves and ultimately feel better in the long run. I know, it's easier said than done and takes a lot of hard work if you're someone who tends to feel jealous quite regularly.

Below, these women were asked how they deal with being jealous of female friends and how they've learned to cope with feelings of jealousy in their friendships. Read on for their super positive and useful advice.

  1. "I shift my way of thinking from jealous to grateful."

    "I sit down and really think about what it is about my friends that is making me jealous. What qualities are they displaying that I feel I lack? Then I work to gain those qualities for myself and try to shift my thinking from being jealous of my friends, to being grateful for my friends, for showing me different ways of being. Depending on what it is, I might even be able to ask them for help." [via Reddit]

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  2. "I psychoanalyze myself."

    "I shake my own shoulders and say, 'What the f*ck?' There's a reason to feel those feelings. Somewhere I would be feeling inadequate. Something I need to deal with. So I'd either psychoanalyze myself or I'd work on achieving the things I want to achieve in my life." [via Reddit]

  3. "You get better overcoming jealousy with practice."

    "Having the mindfulness to take a step back and critically recognize your own jealousy can be very hard work, but worth doing. Some situations are easier than others. I find it far easier to handle professional jealousy as an adult than jealousy of 'prettier' people when I was a teen. Obviously, I have a more developed brain now, but I think this is an example of an objective jealousy (my coworker got recognition for something we both worked on because she delivered the final product) versus a subjective one (my friend has 'better' hair than me and I am jealous of what I perceive to be the result of her hair superiority, like more attention from whatever crush I have in the moment). I think you get better overcoming jealousy with practice. Over time you become more confident in yourself as a result." [via Reddit]

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  4. "Focus on building your self-esteem."

    "Some minor jealousy of others is human, but if you identify as being jealous of your friends you should probably focus on building your self-esteem. There is nothing to be jealous of, everyone has strengths and weaknesses and different challenges." [via Reddit]

  5. "Reframe your jealousy."

    "Realizing that you are jealous is a great start, and very normal. If you can reframe your jealousy into learning how they are/became 'more successful' than you, you can take your friends as examples and mentors and learn from them. Their success is an opportunity for you. Be proud of them and continue to encourage and support them." [via Reddit]

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  6. "Realize what you see is curated."

    "I find I'm only jealous of people I don't know and only see the version of their life they are allowing me to see. Curated. My friends all have beautiful flaws and their lives, on the whole, aren't any better or worse than mine." [via Reddit]

  7. "I feel genuine happiness for friends when something good is happening for them."

    "I'll feel a little envious of somebody I barely know at times, but I've never really felt jealous of anybody I'd consider to be a friend. I'll experience brief moments of, 'Oh my gosh, I wish I had her hair, her outfit, her job, her lifestyle, her car,' with coworkers, acquaintances, strangers out in public, but it passes. I simply focus on the fact that I do love myself and my life the way it is, and I don't actually want to change anything. I'm usually pretty content. I care about the women I consider friends though, so I'm genuinely happy for them anytime they're looking really great, or something really good is happening for them, and I don't have any negative feelings about it." [via Reddit]

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  8. "I realized it's more fun to celebrate their accomplishments with a full heart."

    "It took me a while to fully understand how big of a waste of time it is, and how it's more fun to celebrate their accomplishments with a full heart. If there's something in your life you don't like, use your energy to repair that instead of getting weighed down in jealousy and guilt over jealousy." [via Reddit]

  9. "I tell them."

    "I just tell them. It doesn't have to be a big thing. You can be jealous and happy for someone at the same time. 'Wow, new promotion/baby/engagement/degree/fit body/etc etc? I am jealous. I can't wait to be in your position. Congratulations." [via Reddit]

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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.

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