Make-up sex is legend for being super hot—and it is. The shift from negative feelings (“This is so over” “What an ass!” “*sob* I will never love again!” blah blah blah) to the positive rush of making up actually mucks about with your hormones, anxiety responses and primal evolutionary forces to make you want each other, bad. So harness the post-fight magic powers of stirred-up tension and the adrenaline boost to spark super passionate, high intensity sex.
There's a caveat here. If you're finding yourself relying on the juice from fights to have good sex, something's probably amiss. Relationships that rely on the highs and lows of fighting and f*cking are plenty fun (in an oddly not-fun way) but aren't so great for long term success, plus the constant emotional upsets are...upsetting. (Way too much drama can be one of the “romantic” things that's actually a major red flag of a toxic relationship. If you need help disentangling from a toxic relationship, here's how to finally get over that shit, even though, annoyingly, toxic relationships can take so much longer to get over.)
BUT if you've had a fight anyway and need to make amends, reconnect and remember why you liked this person in the first place, make-up sex is the most fun therapy you will ever have. Just make sure you've actually hashed everything out beforehand or your pseudo make-up sex will be tainted by orgasm-killing resentment. (And if you're a lover, not a fighter, here's how to get to the make-up sex without actually battling.)
Super Charged Cowgirl
Electric Cowgirl, not to be confused with the one in the Urban Dictionary (Don't look it up. Trust.*), combines the bonding eye contact that'll help heal your wounds, a little bit of “don't eff with me” energy and enough vibration to get some next level orgasms happening. A vibrating almost-cock ring is a non-threatening option for harder erections, and plus depending on where you angle it, bonus vibrations to a perineum (aka the 'taint) or, even better, your clit. Grind against it with every thrust and you're gonna forget what you were mad about in the first place.*I TOLD you.
Couples who try “novel and arousing activities” together have better relationship quality, according to science. So try to master a silly/fun/weird-ass position like the Wheelbarrow to release those bonding chemicals. Balance yourself on your hands while your partner holds your legs and (tries) to enter. If you like the feeling but not the whole holding-yourself-up bit, transfer the move to a bed. Lie on your belly with your hips at the edge of the bed and while your partner holds your legs to go all in.
Lie on your sides and face each other with your leg over your partner's hips. Hold them tight and slowly move against each other—rocking back and forth will help y'all self-soothe. Between kisses, whisper what you love and missed about each other. It can be earnest and sweet or full-on dirty talk—whatever brings you closer!
The Oral Apology
If your partner still feels a little bad, even though you're 100 percent over it by now, you may as well take them up on their offer to make it up to you. Lie back and let them kiss, stroke and lick you until they're back in your good graces. You can boss them around and tell them exactly where they need to go, or make them figure it out on their own.
Up Against the Wall
If you still have some residual annoyance after resolving the problem, match it with urgent, must-have-you-now make-up sex. Stand, pressing your back against a door jamb, with a foot pushed against the other side of the door frame for balance and any needed height adjustments. For bonus sexiness, your partner can lift you by the ass, and the jamb makes for easier hoisting.
After a period of conflict, you might feel long overdue for a passionate sex session. Thrash and roll around, growl, pin each other down. If you're both into it, say mean-ish things to each other (with set verbal boundaries, obviously). It will lead to exactly the kind of release you need.
Reconnect at the most primal level with the classic Tantric pose, Yab Yum. Your partner sits cross-legged while you're on their lap with your legs wrapped around their butt. Gaze into each others' eyes and sync your breathing. You can throw in toys too, like a double-headed vibrator for a mutual masturbation sess. The intense eye contact can make you feel soulfully attached to each other again.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.