There’s no “right” or “wrong” amount of sex you should be having as a married couple—whatever works best for you and your partner and makes you both happy is great! What works for some married couples might not work for other married couples, and that’s okay! No married couple has the same time constraints or lifestyle as another couple, so holding yourself to one universal standard just doesn’t make sense.
However, if you’re curious, 12 real married couples open up about how often they have sex.
- “My husband and I make an effort to have sex three to five times a week, usually closer to five. We’ve been married eight years and together for 10 and have two kids.” —Ariella, 32
- “I’ve been married to my husband for 11 months, and we’ve consistently had sex almost every day. The only time we don’t is when I’m on my period, because I get super drained and feel bloated, which does not make me feel sexy or in the mood. Other than that, if neither of us are sick or exceptionally tired, we have sex at least once a day on weekdays and twice a day on the weekends. We don’t have kids, so I’m sure that is a huge factor as to why we’re able to be intimate pretty often.” —Jannelle, 26
- “It varies wildly, sometimes zero to once a week, sometimes four to five times a week. We’ve been married less than a year, but together five years.” —Mary*, 25
- “I’m 34, my husband is 35, and we’ve been married nearly six years. We have two kids, ad we both work full-time, I own my own business and work weekends, and we work hard to make sure we’re having sex about twice a week. We don’t feel that frequent sex is necessary for a healthy marriage, but we do find that if we are having sex less frequently than that, it’s a symptom of something else going on and a sign that something is off in our relationship.” —Sarah, 34
- “My husband is 34, and I am 30. We’ve been married for 5 years and together for 11 total. We typically have sex about three times a week. I’m currently three months pregnant, and I will say, sex has been much less frequent for the last six weeks due to varying levels of energy, sickness, fatigue, etc. We are lucky to have sex once a week in these early weeks of pregnancy.” —Lauren, 30
- “I’m 36, and my wife is 39. We have one child and another due in July. While it’s sometimes hard to find time, we still manage to have sex two to three times weekly. I’m not sure if it’s a lot or a little but it’s satisfying none the less."—Brandon, 36
- “My husband and I are both 35. When we first met, eight years ago, we were literally having sex at least once a day. Years later with two kids, a dog, a commute that forces me to stay at my mother’s most of the week, and my husband’s two jobs with irregular hours, we are lucky if we have sex once every two weeks, if not once a month.” —Allyson, 35
- “We have sex about once per week. We usually have certain days that work better for us and try to plan some time to connect then.”
- “We have been married for five years and have sex maybe two or three times a month. I’m 30, and my husband is 34. For what it’s worth, I wish we were having sex more, but it’s hard to talk about without feeling like I’m pressuring him.” —Morgan*, 30
- “Around once a month. I’m 36, and my wife is 35. We’ve been married for 15 years. We were much more active when we first got married. We have a son now, so we’re definitely busier than we were then.” —Kyle*, 36
- “Been married almost 11 years. We used to have sex a couple of times a month until I got pregnant with our first kid—then pregnancy hormones shut me down. Now that our second is born and I’m finally cleared for sex by my ob-gyn, it’s weekly if not more often, just hard to make time with a toddler and a two-month-old. But my drive is much higher now, so I’m always pawing at my husband, even if we don’t engage in any sexual activity.” —Kate, 32
- “Once a week or so. We have been married for three years and have a two-year-old child. I’m 32, and my wife is 28. I could add another day or so per week, but I respect the times she’s not feeling up to it. Scheduling it is best, because of the kid.” —Corey, 32
*Names have been changed
Answers have been lightly edited for clarity.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.