Here’s Why You’re Still Thinking About Your Ex

Have you really moved on?
PHOTO: getty images

Everyone copes with heartbreak in different ways. Some drown themselves in work, others cry about it—whatever it may be, research shows that it’s linked to your gender. 

In a series of studies done by Austrian psychologist Ursula Athenstaedt and her colleagues, it was revealed that men and women move on in different ways. The study shows that men were more likely to think positively about their ex because they are holding on to the hope of getting back together. Women, on the other hand, try their best to make a clean break by “focusing on the negative qualities of their exes and dismissing their positive aspects.”

How you think about your former lover post-breakup also affects what you do after the separation. The study found that men are more likely to “adopt lose yourself strategies,” like working long hours or numbing the pain through alcohol and drug use. They also have a higher tendency of jumping into newer or rebound relationships, without really considering if they can see a long-term possibility with their new partner. Meanwhile, women try their best to seek comfort from loved ones post-breakup, and they try their best to heal before opening themselves up to the possibility of new love. 

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However, what you do post-breakup doesn’t matter when you enter a new relationshipthe study found that both men and women report negative attitudes towards their ex and they are convinced that their current relationship is far better than what they had before. 

But generally, if you’re still thinking about your ex-lover, it most likely means that you still haven’t fully moved on. If you constantly find yourself dwelling on the past, you are keeping yourself from doing so. 

Science says the most effective way to ~*heal from failed love*~ is by taking a clean break and seeking comfort in your loved ones. So, yes, this means that if you can’t stop crying to your friends about it, you’re probably a step closer to healing. 

Source: Psychology Today

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