Amy* is 26, a postal worker, bisexual, and says she has always orgasmed really easily and quickly. So much so, that she used to think something was wrong with her.
When I was 11, I had masturbated for the first time and came. I was totally amazed and I got a bit obsessed with it. After that though, I didn't orgasm with the first few people I had sex with. I thought that was weird because I could do it on my own so easily.
About a year into being sexually active, I started seeing someone and with him I came quickly. I hated it, but even though I couldn't stand the guy, I carried on sleeping with him because I thought it was about what he was doing. When we ended, I started sleeping with other people. I continued to climax really easily. Often when I wasn't even trying to. That's when I realized my orgasm wasn't about someone else holding this big key or secret. It was down to me.
With every partner since, I've orgasmed consistently—unless I'm a bit pissed. When my partner of eight years and I started having sex, I asked if he'd noticed. I always like to have a sex debrief. Most men have taken my ability to orgasm as proof they're great at sex and that annoys me. It positions women as unsexual beings not in control of their own bodies. My current partner wasn't like that at all. I told him that although I'd always found it really easy to orgasm, that didn't mean he didn't have to put any work in. When we have sex, after I come, he continues to do stuff to me. That's taught me that once I've orgasmed, sex doesn't have to end.
I felt like I was the only one.
In the past, I thought there was something wrong with me. I Googled "premature orgasm" and all the results were about men. I felt like I was the only one. I still have no idea why I find it so easy—whether it's psychological, biological, or anatomical. But I've learned what works for me, and the things I know that will make me come. Like putting my body in certain positions when I'm getting close. Now this skill makes me feel powerful. Coming just feels wicked.
The whole discussion around the "female orgasm" has become extremely binary—and it's come down to the idea that some women find it really easy and some women find it really hard. It’s actually so much more nuanced than that.
*Name have been changed
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com/uk. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.
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