Sex toys are so commonplace these days, and most of us will talk openly about owning them. But this change in attitude doesn't necessarily mean we're up for discussing our vibratory desires with our parents, right?
Here, eight people whose folks discovered their secret stash recount every awkward second of the experience. Be prepared to physically cringe.
- "My mom found my strap-on dildo. I saw that things had moved in my drawers because she put clothes in them, and I'm pretty sure she saw it. We didn't talk about it so I acted as if nothing happened, but I'm MORTIFIED." [via]
- "My mom walked in on me cleaning toys once. She walked into my open door bathroom, 'cause I thought no one was home, and started asking me a question. She saw what I was doing, stopped mid-sentence and was like, 'Uh, I'll catch you later.' Didn't see her for three days, and we never spoke of it again, with the exception of, 'So you are practicing safe sex, right?' 'Yeah mom, I got this, let's never discuss it again though, k?' And it has never been spoken of again." [via]
- "When I was in high school, I thought I was home alone and was planning to use a toy. I went to the bathroom down the hall, and left it on my bed. While I was using the bathroom I hear my step mom calling my name and coming up stairs. My bedroom door was right at the top of the stairs and I left the door wide open, so I'm pretty sure she saw it because all she ended up saying was, 'Im going out' before going back down stairs and leaving. I avoided eye contact with her for like a week and was terrified she was going to say something to my dad. Luckily, it never came up again, but I ended up throwing the toy out in a [bin] behind a [mall] because I was terrified my parents would go through my room or ask me about it. Sorta funny to think about now, but mortifying is a pretty accurate description of how I felt at the time." [via]
- "I left my dildo in the shower once, and my mom knocked on my door before jumping in the shower that night. The conversation went something like this:
'You need to clean the shower.'
'But I already cleaned it.'
'No, you need to clean the shower.'
Gasps in horror." [via]
- "I live at home and my mom has found my toys more than once. She is a bit of a busybody and on days she has off from work, she cleans like crazy. At least twice, she's found toys in my clothes drawers and instead of leaving them there, she put them on top of the clothes she added to the drawer (kill me, please)." [via]
- In high school, my mom went into my room, brought out my glow in the dark vibrator, and asked innocently but also slightly confused/concerned, 'What's this?' I almost died. And then I told her it was a [torch]. To this day, I don't know if she believed me, but at least it ended the conversation." [via]
- "MY DAD FOUND MINE! He was rearranging my room for me (I had been asking him to do this for weeks so it was hidden at first but then I put it back because I figured he never would) with a friend of his and when they came across the box, they picked it up and it wasn't closed all the way. So, they saw it had a strap-on in it... My dad is a pastor and this was an older church friend. My dad confronted me later (he hates the fact that I'm gay and loves constantly being in my business to 'prevent gay things from happening') and was like, 'Did you plan on using this on one of your little friends?' I proceeded to lie EXTREMELY hard and he told me to get rid of it... I never did though. Every once in a while he brings the fact that I had one up, and it's cringey AF." [via]
- "I love my mother dearly but she is incredibly nosy. I've known for years that she blatantly snoops around my flat when she's visiting, and I'm not in. My girlfriend-now-wife used to worry about this because (a) my dearest is very house proud, and (b) we don't normally bother hiding things because it's our own damn home. But yes, mom was obviously opening drawers and peering into cupboards.
One day we just thought, 'You know what? Fuck it', and decided to play her at her own game by leaving the bag on our bed—closed, of course, to lay the bait—when we knew she'd be hanging out there after we'd left for work. We have quite an, uh, exotic collection of tastes that lean very much towards the [dom/sub] side of things, so you can imagine the many, many things that the bag contains. We laughed to ourselves about how scandalized she would be and how it would put her off from ever looking again.
Alas, we forgot that my mother can read me like a book and outplay me with ease, and is also a serious flower child hippy from the old days who will talk about anything and everything. So the next time I saw her she said, 'Oh... I noticed you have a new book on knots on your bookshelf. Are you planning on getting back into sailing? I can't imagine how many opportunities there would be to do so in a big city!' and then just looked at me with a cherubic, innocent smile." [via]
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com/uk. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.