You know exactly who I’m talking about: He’s the dude who looks like he reeks of onions, has tousled hair sticking to his forehead when it’s parted the wrong way, and probably hasn't done laundry...ever.
Thing is, no amount of funk could get you to swipe left. The reason? TBH, it could be something totally deep that we don't have time for rn. Or could just be you're still in an angsty '90s horny-for-grunge-boys phase. Or you're really into pop punk?
Either way, we get you, girl. And this is about what you like about the grosso type, not why. Here's a handy breakdown of all the things that make you hot and heavy for the sweaty and stanky, which you can send to your group text next time they try to call you out for doing you.
Music festival season is basically your single girl debut.
All summer long, your prime dating scene is everywhere. Where better to find your man than under the hot ass sun, in a dusty AF field, with spilled beer everywhere?! See also: the Porta Potty line and the lost and found tent (he can't find his shoes).Continue reading below ↓
You save a lot of money on your water bill.
No BF showers = smaller water bill. Hmmm...
Speaking of showers...
Your boyfriend (who is already over all the time) won’t interfere with your roomie’s morning routine. No harm, no foul, but huge smell.
Pirates of the Caribbean really resonated with you.
Jack Sparrow, in his spray tanned, eyeliner, gold-toothed perfection was just the beginning of your grosso fixation.Continue reading below ↓
There’s less pressure to look perfect all the time.
Because, well, you’re always going to look a little bit cleaner than he will.
You know he won’t apologize for his morning breath.
That's why you’re completely unfazed by your own dragon breath, too.
You can order the garlic bread without thinking twice.
He’s already chomped on some anchovies and conveniently doesn’t have gum lying around, either.
Let’s be honest, there’s something so boring about the dude who...
Has a perfect job, a perfect apartment, a perfect haircut, and a perfect A+ approval from your dad. Don't @ me.
His black, go-to V-neck is starting to look more like a scoop neck.
It actually looks better, right? Hello?
Considering your love language is words of affirmation, you know this dude will fill you with plenty of praise.
Because he’s even surprised he landed such a catch.Continue reading below ↓
His tattoos scream, “Oh, your dad's gonna hate me.”
This is not to say that a tattoo is gross, it's just the way their sweaty skin emphasizes the fierceness of their ink. And that makes your inside butterflies squirm just a little bit more because of the "bad boy" vibes!
Something about him readjusting *himself* in public says he's really in-tune with his body and its needs.
It's, like, eggplant yoga or something.
When he doesn't wash his hands after the bathroom, you look at it like he's becoming less susceptible to germs.
Not being gross AF. No flu shot for me!
He sweats enough for the two of you.
So you don’t feel too bad missing your morning workout.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.