It doesn't matter if you don't have the Best Sex Ever one night or even a couple nights.
You made this pact to stay together (hopefully) forever. You're going to be having a lot of sex with each other over the course of this marriage. Thankfully, the pressure to impress isn't as great as when you were casually dating. That doesn't mean that married couples give up (they don't). But you live together, and so it's not like you have to wait until next weekend to try again.
You don't need to go one-for-one with oral sex every time.
Yes, duh, good sex means both partners enjoy themselves, but marriage comes with the implicit knowledge that your spouse has your needs covered. If you didn't go down on them this time, chances are you'll do it next time. It's like that friend where you always end up paying for each other's lunches when you go out. You don't keep tabs, but you both know you're probably pretty much even.
How many times you've done it in a week.
This will fluctuate, no matter how high your sex drive. Days get busy, or you get tired or sick. There's less pressure overall to feel like a date "should" end with sex. As long as you haven't slowed down to a number that makes you feel distant from each other, your weekly "quota" starts mattering much less.
If your kinks are out there.
Y'all are married now. Hopefully, you know all the weird stuff that gets each other off. Plus, even if you decide you suddenly want to try something totally new in bed, your partner is probably supportive and open-minded enough to at least talk about it.
Not capitalizing on an opportunity to get naked.
When you were casually dating or living with roommates, every time someone had an empty apartment you'd pounce on each other. Now the need is not quite so urgent.
There's just not a lot of time for this anymore. Foreplay is still crucial, but you're probably not going to make out just for the sake of making out anywhere near as often as you used to. Which makes the times you do that much more fun.
It's not that seeing your partner naked ceases to be exciting under the right circumstances. It's just that post-marriage and living together, nudity itself becomes a lot more common. At the beginning of the relationship, you probably pretty much saw your partner naked because you were either getting ready to have,
having,or just finished having sex. But now, you're seeing your partner naked as they rush to shower because you're late for your friend's birthday. You're passing them toilet paper while they're in the bathroom with food poisoning. You're shining your phone's flashlight into their butt hole to see if they have hemorrhoids. Welcome to marriage!
Sure, cuddling is nice. But sometimes right after sex, you remember you have to go take out the trash and do like, eight other chores before bed. Most of this cuddling winds up getting transferred to Netflix binging sessions, so don't despair.
Looking your best for sex.
Sometimes you just want each other when you want each other. That probably means while you're in your laundry day sweats unshowered and unkempt. You're not meeting out at a date or the club and fussing over how you look before you see each other anymore. Honestly, this is a huge relief.
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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.