Yeah, maybe you should have remembered the classic dinner date rule: F*ck first. But you didn't, and now one or both of you is nursing a red-wine-garlic-bread-cheesy-pasta-tiramisu food baby while still wanting to bone through the tummy pains. What to do? Fear not, oh bloated one. We got you!
Right Hand Red
Bodily functions are natural and all that, but if you don't want it to get that real, steer far, far away from doggie, oral, and anal. A mutual hand job will give you all the extra stimulation you need: Sit side by side on a comfy couch and stroke each other. Gaze into each others' eyes, or watch what your hand is doing to them—both are super hot, just like those jalapeño poppers were.
Spooning is the ideal sex position for post-feast laziness. Just lie on your side and ta-da! You're doing it. Try straightening your legs a bit and squeezing them closely together. It's stealthy fart reduction, plus ~such~ a tight fit.
Girlfriend In A Food Coma
Too lazy to leave the kitchen? Pop your ass on the counter and scoot to the very edge. Wrap your legs around your partner’s legs instead of their hips. Angle your pelvis down for more clit stimulation.
Nice N' Easy
Lie on your sides and face each other for some slow, slidey sex that also won't apply undue pressure to anyone's belly. Entwine your legs around your partner's calves to keep your tummy calmer. Slide a lubed-up hand down and rub them or yourself for extra stimulation with every thrust.
The Hired Hand
If you're far too stuffed to even move, put your toys to work. Lay next to each other with your head and shoulders comfortably propped up on pillows. Use the toys on yourselves, or on each other. Like your dinner, this position is decadent and blissful.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.