3 Women Get Super Honest About Deep-Throating

'Think about how it feels when you swallow a big pill and practice opening your throat that way.'
PHOTO: Getty Images

When it comes to blow job techniques, deep-throating is seen as one of the most intense tricks you can pull out of your sleeve. Other than being the alias for a Watergate informant, deep-throating, the sex act, refers to when the blow job giver puts their partner's entire penis down their mouth, so far so that it reaches their throat. While the simplistic definition might not sound super hard, when you factor in gag-reflex (you know, that natural thing that your body does when you're choking), it becomes tricky. Three women get super honest about their experiences deep-throating, what made them try it, what they like most about it, and their best advice for how to go about trying it for yourself, if you're so inclined.

Tell me about the first time you deep-throated.

Woman A: It was probably the first time I gave head, honestly. No one had ever really taught me what to do, so based on what I'd seen in porn I thought you had to get the whole penis in your mouth to really do it right. My first partner didn't have a huge penis, so it wasn't an issue then, but it hasn't always been so easy, depending on the size of their penis.

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Woman B: I had been dating my then-boyfriend for a few months, and we were starting to explore more sexually. One day when I was giving him a blow job, I put his penis as far down my throat as I could until I gagged a bit. He let out this deep moan and I realized how much he enjoyed it, so I kept doing it. I read articles about how to do it better, and I learned that I also really enjoyed deep-throating.

Woman C: The first time I deep-throated, I gagged, my eyes watered, and I was really confused as to why I was turned on by literally choking. I had been with many well-endowed guys before and had given plenty of blow jobs but the first time I went down on my now-husband, I had to deep throat because his penis was so large. Lo and behold I really liked it. It was something about him being in control and knowing how much I turned him on that made me want to do it again on my own.

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"Lo ad behold I really liked it."

What made you want to try it?

Woman A: Giving head has always been a little bit of a mystery to me. Even after having dozens of partners I still never know what exactly they like about the way I give head. I've always wanted to try everything I can think of to get the job done. This was especially true when I was younger and had less experience, so I was just absolutely going for it.

Woman B: It just kind of happened one day while I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I didn't have a strong urge to try it, I just wanted to see how far I could put his penis in my mouth.

Woman C: Honestly, I knew how much it would turn on my man because he loves getting head so the thought of surprising him, deep-throating, and turning him on got me going.

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What do you think the appeal of deep-throating is? For guys? For women?

Woman A: For guys, I imagine it's a combination of factors. Receiving pleasure on the whole penis at once has to feel really good. I also think there's something super hot to guys about their partner working hard physically to please them. I know my current partner gets really turned on by challenging me physically in that way. I think a lot of women enjoy going the extra mile to please their man. It can be empowering to feel like you're giving them something special that they don't get all the time. Personally, there's also something sexy about being submissive and servile to my current partner by letting him go as deep as he pleases. I know my boyfriend likes hearing me gag and seeing my eyes water a little bit, and I think it's pretty hot, too. Of course, this only works for me because we're really close, and I trust him to stop if it becomes too much for me.

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"It can be empowering to feel like you're giving them something special that they don't get all the time."

Woman B: For me, the appeal is pleasing my partner, but I also feel pretty accomplished when I can fit a giant penis all the way down my throat. It's a deeply intimate act I enjoy sharing with my partners, and I take pride in giving a good blow job. Several partners of mine have mentioned that the best part of being deep-throated is that the person going down on them is so enthusiastic about it, that they're willing to put their penis all the way down their throat. They also say that it feels good for them, and that they enjoy the tight sensation of going down their partner’s throat. Also, it's messy and some guys really enjoy sloppy head.

Woman C: For guys, I think it's a submission thing. There's something sexy about that domination even if there's no handcuffs or blindfolds. By deep throating, I am literally letting you all in. For women, at least me personally, the appeal is about how much it turns on my man. I can literally feel him get harder the deeper his penis goes, which is extremely sexy — especially when he's playing with me at the same time so there's the double sensation.

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Is it something guys ask for a lot?

Woman A: Not really, in my experience. Or they're not vocally asking, at least. I feel like most men aren't very verbal about their desires in bed. I've gotten the 'head push' a lot before, which doesn't really fly with me. Deep-throating isn't exactly comfortable, so I like to do it on my own terms. I wish more men would be open to having a dialogue about what they want, that way their partners can try to work up to that without being disrespected or coerced into it.

Woman B: I have never had a partner specifically ask for deep-throating, but they have asked for blow jobs. If I'm really into it, I'll take the whole thing into my mouth and down my throat when I'm giving them head. Once they realize I have this skill, they tend to ask for blow jobs a lot more.

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Woman C: Not in my experience, no. It's something I've typically taken the initiative to do unless we are in a kind of kinky rougher sex type situation we've discussed beforehand.

How important is deep-throating to giving a good blow job?

Woman A: It's nice, but I don't think it's essential. I have a really sensitive gag reflex so it's not something I'm always in the mood to do. Plus, it's physically exhausting. The other day I deep throated my partner so hard for so long that I ended up with a huge bruise on the back of my throat. It felt like I had strep and it hurt to swallow for three days. We were both kind of turned on that I'd managed to do that, but for the next few BJ's I had to avoid deepthroating and honestly, he seemed to have just as much fun even without deep throating on the table.

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Woman B: It is not at all important. It is fun and a different sensation, but it isn't vital to a great blow job. Having fun and enjoying the experience is what is most important.

Woman C: Honestly you don't have to do it to give a good blow job or to please your partner, but in my experience, it takes your skills to an entirely new level…especially if they aren't expecting it.

Do you have any advice for people who want to try it?

Woman A: I'm a singer, so I learned by thinking of 'lifting my soft palate,' which is essentially raising and opening the muscles in the back of your throat. Think about how it feels when you swallow a big pill and practice opening your throat that way. Experiment with different positions and find what's most comfortable for you. Breathe. Go at your own pace and insist on your partner to be patient with you! That's major for me. If I'm not feeling it, I'm not going to put myself through hell to please somebody when there are plenty of other ways to orgasm.

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Woman B: Practice! If you have a penis to practice on, start giving more blow jobs. With each blow job, practice opening your throat just a bit more and letting a little more penis enter your throat. Don't try to go all the way the first time or you'll gag. When deep-throating, make sure your partner knows that you control the pace, not them. Relax and have fun!

Woman C: Just go for it and stop when you're ready to stop. It's not the most glamorous thing but it's worth it, in my experience.

How do you stop yourself from gagging?

Woman A: My gag reflex is terrible. I pretty much almost throw up every time I brush my tongue in the morning. I've heard looking upward is supposed to help, and also squeezing your thumb, but neither method tends to work much for me. I don't love the feeling of gagging, but my boyfriend is actually really into it when I do, so I don't judge myself. Actually just last week I gagged so hard I threw up a little bit, and he didn't mind that either. Maybe that's gross for some, but I think it just depends on how comfortable you are with each other. If you hate to gag, just slow down, and remember to breathe through your nose. And stop when you want to. It's not the end of the world!

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Woman B: Gagging is an inevitable part of deep-throating. You're not going to stop it completely, so it’s best to just roll with it. Guys I’ve spoken to say that they enjoy the gagging. So when I do gag, I play it up. I grab his penis in my hand, pull it out of my mouth and gasp for air, then I usually spit on his shaft while looking him right in the eye, then I go back to sucking on his shaft. It feels very pornstar-like, but I enjoy it and so do my partners.

"Gagging is an inevitable part of deep-throating."

Woman C: Relax and don't overthink. Remember, it doesn't have to be a long time to be effective. You don't have to leave it in there for an hour.

Say a woman doesn't want to deep-throat. Is there something she can do instead to create the same sensation?

Woman A: When I don't feel like deep throating, I use my hand to jerk him off while I suck on his penis. I like to move my hand up and down in a twisting motion, drooling on him a bit for lube. Often I feel this method is more effective at achieving orgasm than deep-throating and it's physically a lot more comfortable for me.

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Woman B: Yes, absolutely! Get his penis really wet with your spit, wrap your hand around the base of his penis and put it as far into your mouth as you're comfortable. Then run your hand and mouth up and down the length of him while making subtle gagging noises. The gagging noise will contract your throat and mouth to create a sucking/throbbing sensation on his shaft while also simulating the gagging that comes with deep-throating.

Woman C: Maybe sticking his balls in your mouth and playing with them at the same time. I don't know that it's the same thing, but it's something other than just a regular blow job.

What are the biggest misconceptions about deep-throating, in your opinion?

Woman A: If other women are like I was at first, they may think deep-throating is the only way to give good head, which is just not true. I like doing it, but not all the time! And I think the biggest misconception from men is that it's easy. Most straight men have no idea how hard it actually is to deep throat a whole dick for more than a few minutes, but the good ones understand and will appreciate the extra effort.

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Woman B: That the partner performing the act doesn't enjoy it, that they are only doing it out of a sense of obligation. I love giving head and I especially love deep-throating. I get extremely turned on when I please my partner with my mouth. And it puts me in the perfect position to play with my clit or use a vibrator while I go down on him. I get him off while I get myself off...it is a win-win!

Woman C: Maybe that it's degrading. I've heard my friends say things like that before and I always try to tell them how much it turns me on at the same time, and that it's not a degrading thing unless you are viewing it that way. For me, it's a pleasure thing and we happen to both get off on it.

***

This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.

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