Shower sex in the movies is always so damn steamy, even down to the artfully-placed steam. But for the rest of us, sadly, it can be kinda awkward if you don't have a well-paid Swedish art director to decorate your sex life in a soapy haze. Body parts don't line up right, someone's getting all the nice warm water while the other freezes, and it's slippery in all the wrong parts (floor, walls, etc...) and not in the right parts (water, oddly, is a horrible lube, so you will need lube. And not just any kind, a freakin' silicone-based lube. Which, of course, you never remember to bring).
There are also all kinds of tedious safety considerations: No one must slip, all toys must be 1 billion percent water safe, and so on. And yet, shower sex is, like, some sort of life requirement. Since you will likely be doing it, you need to know how to do it well. Here's how to emerge from that shower clean, unhurt, and glowing.
The Razor Edge
Prop your foot up on the edge of the tub like you would if you were going to shave your legs to give yourself some semi-solid footing and allow easy-ish entry (make sure you have a very sturdy bathmat so you don't slip). Then everyone needs to just hold the hell on to whatever's available—soap holders, towel racks, shower door. Safety helmets optional.
The Slip 'n' Slide
Bring your bath toys in with you for slippery-slidey fun. Penis-havers get a masturbation sleeve, V-holders a waterproof vibe. Smooch under the steamy downpour and instead of using your toys on yourselves, which you can do any old shower, use them on each other. If you really want to stay on theme, invest in an I Rub My Duckie.
Water Work It
Turns out, high water pressure beating down on an erect penis is not always pleasurable for your partner. Have them hold a railing for support and rescue them from that hell. Make sure the stream is fixed on their back and not your face so you can breath easily as you go down on them.
The Seatless Bike
If standing sex is just not working, seating is definitely optional depending on your bathroom. You need: a shower seat or good sized tub ledge, a shit-ton of silicon-based lube, and decently strong thighs. Lower yourself onto what is hopefully a raging erection, going as slowly as you need. Afterwards, easy clean-up. Works for both P-in-V and anal, and is super adjustable.
Wet 'n' Wild
Have them sit on the bottom of the tub, legs straight in front of them. Low water level is fine here—in fact, it's eco-friendly! Slide on top of them, holding onto their shoulders or the side of the tub for leverage. And here's some secret wisdom: a pair of soaped-up boobs makes everything better.
The Bent-Over Bather
Sometimes simplicity is best when it comes to shower-boning. Make sure your feet are completely non-slippery (if you're a safety-first kind of person, buy one of those non-slip mats your grandma has), then bend over at the waist, spread your legs as needed, and hang onto to something sturdy. Your partner enters you from behind in a standing doggie, holding you steady with their hands on your hips. Very primal feeling. Hot.
The Super Soaker
Sometimes trying to hold a weird position, or random fears of water waste during a drought, can get in the way of you actually having an orgasm. Put a handheld showerhead into service (hey, man, I told you to get one) directing the stream between your legs as they enter you standing. The water won't work the same magic on their penis as it does on yours (viva womanhood!) but they so won't be complaining.
The tub or shower is an ahh-mazing place for oral. The water and general air of cleanliness helps some people feel more relaxed about mouths on mysterious nether regions. Take turns sitting on the edge of the tub (built-in shower seat works too) and having the other give you some wet, watery love. If you have neither ledge nor edge, take turns kneeling before the other.
Sometimes we get stuck on the idea that sex = P in V only, which, bullshit! Mutual masturbation is great at all times (way less chance of pregnancy or diseases, way more chance of getting the kind of stimulation you need) and shower MM offers the additional perks of body-safe soap as lube (it works in this case, if they keep their fingers on the outside of you). Plus, easy rinsing away of the evidence. Try a variation with them standing behind you, either stroking themselves while you attend to yourself, or stroking you while they slide their penis between your soapy butt cheeks, like a titty fuck, but with butt.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.