1. Date One
Must act normal. Must make generic cultural references and not let on that I'm probably the Weird One in this relationship.
2. Date Three
I just cracked myself up with an off-color joke I thought of and now she wants to know what's so funny. Shit, shit, shit, I guess I have to tell her now. *Miracle of miracles, the joke lands*. So we're soul mates, then?
3. One Month
It's 5 a.m., we've been watching horror movies for six hours, and things are getting silly. Hehehe, tickle fight! Hehehe, let me see if I can make your toes look like shadow puppets!
4. Three Months
I accidentally sat in a bowl of pudding she was making and now whenever one of us sits down, the other one yells, "Check for pudding!" No one is ever going to understand how hilarious and amazing we are. We should be a comedy duo.
5. Six Months
*Standing on top of a kitchen chair eating saltines and humming to self*. *Partner walks in*. "I have no good explanation for this."
6. Seven Months
She just calls me "pudding chair" now and we don't even remember how it started but that makes it even funnier. Everyone says we're so weird together, and we take it as a compliment.
7. 7.5 Months
*Kissing* *laughing* *kissing* *laughing* *kissing* *laughing*.
8. Eight Months
Holy shit, perfect idea for a new profile pic. This vacation pic where it's one of those cardboard cutouts of a hula girl and a guy with a ukulele, and you put your face through the boy one and I put my face through the girl one? LMAO, #SoRandom.
9. Nine Months
*Six-page text conversation that is barely English*.
10. One Year
No one needs to know we wear House Stark Snuggies while we watch Game of Thrones together.
11. 1.5 Years
That thing she does where she insists on not stepping on cracks in the sidewalk even though she's in her 20s is actually pretty annoying but oddly endearing at the same time. I like it? But I hate it?
12. Two Years
Step on a crack and you break your mother's back! It's so much more fun to just be annoying together.
13. Three Years and Beyond
Our inside jokes have just devolved into dirty potty jokes. I got so used to it I told a boner joke at dinner with her lola, but she just laughed it off because even she knows how insanely weird we are around each other.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.