THE MOTHER HEN
Her caring demeanor and killjoy capacity usually overstay their welcome. She’s the one who gathers the crew to remind them that they’re too old to be YOLO-ing in crop tops and fuck-me heels on a weekday. You already have one doting mom, thank you very much! But everyone knows that the only reason she’s KJ is because—despite being the mother hen—she's been roosting for far too long.
THE CLINGY WOLF IN SHEEP’S CLOTHING
She’s your former best pal who can’t get over the fact that since you’ve met your boyfriend, you’ve changed…for the better. She stonewalls him because she knows he can see right through her. She floods you with judgmental emails about how you’re no longer as close as you used to be. Her tweets and status posts are just cryptic enough to let you know that, “Hey, I’m just pretending to be nice, but I don’t approve of your new man and your new lifestyle.”
THE GAY BFF
He’s the only male your guy trusts because he’s pretty sure that, despite his chiseled jaw, killer style, and washboard abs, he isn’t going to try to have sex with you. He bombards your beau with fashion and grooming tips, and is pretty savvy when it comes to matters of the heart. He and your boyfriend seem to hit it off, but…uhm…not in THAT kind of way, right?
THE TRAIN WRECK
Since she’s always sloshed out of her mind, you and your man have unwillingly become adoptive parents. Aside from having to drive her home post-clubbing, you guys are constantly worrying about her boobs popping out of her top, dealing with her belligerent woe-is-me cries for attention, and fending off men on the prowl for easy an easy lay. Well, at least she’s good training for your future teenager.
THE HOT FLIRTY ONE
Your boyfriend can’t concentrate mid-conversation because she's pretty distracting. She talks to him with her high-pitched voice, unaware that she’s a boner provoker. She’s smokin’, but she just doesn’t know it. Don’t worry, girl. It is possible for your boyfriend to find you and the hot flirty friend equally gorgeous. Your man just wishes you had more ugly friends. Well, not really.
THE ALPHA FEMALE
When she isn’t castrating her own boyfriend in front of the group, she’s got verbal diarrhea–the topic of which extending from her vast repertoire of life-experience to how she’s much better at [insert activity here] than you. She muses about your sex life so she can compare (and hopefully top) whatever crazy shenanigans you guys have been doing–which would be kind of amusing, if only her insecurities weren’t so overpowering.
THE MALE BFF
How is your BF supposed to detest a male BFF you’ve had since high school? Although you sate his anxieties by telling him that the flirtatious roughing is a bro-sis kind of thing, he can’t just brush off the idea of you and your “bro” swapping saliva. Shudder. Hey, you put up with his girl BFF anyway–you know, that cool, girl-next-door, one-of-the-boys stunner he constantly hangs out with all the time. So things should be perfectly fine.
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