If you’re in one of those days when you miss your ex and think of getting back together, hold that thought. Remember why you guys broke up, because that will let you know if getting back together is even a smart idea. More importantly, it’ll make your realize or remind you that going your separate ways was for the best. Here are the signs that it actually was:
1. You were unhappy on most days.
You may have loved him a lot and passionately, and he may have loved you too. But if you were unhappy with him 70 to 90 percent of the time, maybe because you showed and interpreted love differently, why will you go back? You’re on your own now and you can do so many great things that’ll lift your spirits. Getting back together with him might just be signing up for more toxicity and drama. Sometimes, people are just really incompatible no matter how much they love each other—or think they do.
2. You guys fought a lot.
I know what you’re thinking: You and your ex were naive hence the fights! You’d know better now! Maybe so. But chances are that in the few months that have passed, either you or he is still the same. What if the fights were caused by something other than immaturity? Like you disapproving of his lifestyle and arguing about why he has to go out so many times with his friends and hardly with you. Or how he can’t seem to try being warm to your parents. Again, you’d be signing up for unhappiness if you get together with a stubborn him.
3. You couldn’t be yourself around him.
If this was the case, girl, move on and never look back! You’re able to be true to yourself now and you have the chance to find someone who’ll love you as you are, so why settle for less? Of course, you can tell yourself that you know better now, and that you’ll still be yourself if you happen to get back together with your ex. But what if he does or says things—intentionally or not—that make you feel bad about being you—as he has in the past? The thing about loving someone and opening yourself up to him is that you let him influence you. So to keep yourself from trying to be another person for him—and for you to be happy about being you—move forward!
4. You couldn’t trust him, or he couldn’t trust you.
Trust goes both ways. One should have been able to give it and the other shouldn’t have abused it. It’s difficult to win a person’s trust back. It’ll take a lot of wooing, assuring, and proving oneself. And a lot of time. Sometimes there’s no guarantee that trust can be given again—and love can’t exist without trust. (And just think about how much you’d be choking each other!)
5. He wasn’t making himself trustworthy.
In relation to #4, if there was hardly any effort on his end to assure you that you could trust him—if he didn’t even care about what you felt about him or thought of him—rekindling the relationship would just be a very strange, questionable, illogical move. Love pa ba ‘yan? Doesn’t seem like it, TBH.
6. There were underlying issues following the relationship.
Some relationships may have been pretty solid—maybe yours was—but even those could’ve been haunted by issues that were largely ignored. Maybe one of you wanted to tie the knot, but the other didn’t. Maybe one of you plans to live abroad, while the other just wants to stay here. If no one relents, it’s headed for a goodbye. It sure sucks to break up especially if you guys were very happy together, but for highly goal-driven people like you and your ex, failing to live your own dreams is worse.
7. There’s this new guy who makes you happy beyond your wildest dreams.
Breakups are of course a cause of sadness, but not for a very long time. They happen because of some irreconcilable differences or irresolvable issues, and one or both of you just wanted out. And going your separate ways means letting each other love different people and be happy with them. So if you’ve found a guy who’s made you unimaginably happy, saan ka pa?
8. You’re at such a great place now precisely because you guys broke up.
It’s hard to believe that someone we deeply cared about could possibly hold us back in some way, and it’s all the more poignant if you and your ex loved each other a lot. You might have that scenario, or yours could be the getting-out-of-a-toxic-relationship one. In either case, the breakup gave you more focus on your top priorities: on your dreams. It allowed for self-discovery, for finding happiness with yourself and other people. It’s hard to know for sure if you could still be in this good place if you had stayed with your ex, but the point is that the opposite happened and you are where you are now.
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