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The 9 Things Girls Do After A Breakup


1. Get drunk.

Alcohol suddenly becomes your new best friend because there's no easier way to forget about the pain. And then the drunk-texts come that go from "Hey, I miss you so bad," and "I still love you," to "Why did you do this to me?!" all the way to "Don't text me ever again."

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2. Stalk the ex on Facebook.

You gather all your strength and courage to see what he's up to. You check if he's already deleted your photos together, background-check every girl who's liked his status, and even go through his recently added friends.

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3. Start doing all the things the guy never allowed you to do.

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You do this in hopes that this might somehow affect him, make him worry, and decide to win your heart back.

4. Stop shaving.

Shaving is booted out of the to-do list because who the hell still cares if you got hairy legs? No one!

5. Tell everyone something embarrassing about the ex.

Remember that time when he accidentally farted while having sex? Your friends now know. God help him if his penis is small. Actually, never mind; you're going tell your friends he has a small dick anyway, even if it's actually adequately-sized.

6. Try to make the guy feel jealous.

You go out on a date with the guy he was jealous with when you were still together—and you make sure to upload an entire album of the date on Facebook. Then you wait...for his message...that of course arrives just when you've started to accept that he's actually moved on. The cycle repeats.

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7. Post hot selfies.

And wait for the world to flood you with comments telling you how stupid he had been for dumping you.

8. Becomes an anti-male activist.

#AllMenAreTheSame #TeamSingleForever #SingleAndNotSearching abound.

9. Get a new haircut.

It's time for a brand new woman to emerge! This usually takes place when you're just about ready to move on from the breakup.

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This story originally appeared on! 

* Minor edits have been made by editors


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