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Your Guide To Dealing With Sketchy Guys

aka 'The Touchy Drunk,' 'The Cyber Stalker,' and more.

The Office Douche

His M.O.: He’s courted almost every girl in the office and has been turned down on all times. It’s not that he has bad intentions, its just that his crass jokes, capacity to talk about himself all the time, and transparent front are too much to handle. Plus, his leering looks as females walk down the hall prove that he is, first and foremost, VERY THIRSTY. 

Handle him by: Should you be his next target, politely decline his offer of a ride home in the car that his mom bought him. Also, get a close guy friend to serve as your shield during office social gatherings.

The Cyber Stalker

His M.O.: Swipe through your Instagram feed and Facebook timeline in hopes of finding a bikini photo he can fantasize over. Noobs to this breed of creeper constantly like and double-tap on really, really, REALLY old photos of yours. You can cringe now.  

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Handle him by: Set all your social media accounts to private mode, quick!

The Cat Caller

His M.O.: Making you feel uncomfortable and unsafe by wolf whistling as you pass by. He’ll then add a lame “Sexy mo ate!” into the mix as his eyes peer through your outfit. There’s a special place in hell for these a-holes. 

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Handle him by: Flip him the dirty finger or call him out on his rudeness. Letting him get away with this sort of sexism will only allow the problem to perpetuate.

The Guy Who Can’t Take A Hint

His M.O.: He sends you awkward messages late at night, professing his desire to have you as his girl. He keeps on sending you gifts for no reason even when you’ve told him to stop doing so. Worst of all, he gets insanely jelly when he spots you hanging out with another man. Girl, it might be time to file a restraining order.  

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Handle him by: Letting him down gently. Talk to him (preferably in a public place) about how you’re just not interested in anything romantic. And if all else fails, move to the province and disappear.

The Touchy Drunk

His M.O.: This bar rat is the guy who’ll grope you in the most sensitive places while slurring his speech as he asks for your number. You would have given him a chance if he weren’t so piss-ass wasted, but his foul breath and even fouler odor are already making you feel like you’ve got a hangover.

Handle him by: Whispering to a male friend (or the club’s bouncer) that this man is making you uncomfortable. Just be sure that a brawl doesn’t occur because you might just get caught in the middle of it.