1. "I hope my jaw is ready for this."
Sure, his tongue is going to get a workout, too. But it's his jaw that will probably give out first. Samantha Jones might go down in history for popularizing the quote "Honey, they don't call it a job for nothing," in reference to a blow job, but cunnilingus is work, too. Yes, holding his mouth open, latched onto your vagina like a barnacle on the side of a boat, can result in jaw aches. And if he was going to town on a chewy baguette earlier in the day, or even just talking a lot, his jaw could be prone to giving out before the deed is done. All this to say, his jaw needs a *mental pep talk* right before, so if you see him talking himself up in the mirror first, that's why.
2. "I should make sure I don't have anything in my teeth."
Not only is it polite, but you probably don't want to be finding corn downstairs later and wondering how it got there. You're welcome in advance!
3. "I'm going to leave my underwear on."
This isn't out of modesty. This is out of necessity. Lying down with an erection is either uncomfortable or downright painful. At least this way he can try and keep his boner in check.
4. "Yo, I'm thirsty."
And this is definitely not the time to have dry mouth. You don't want to be doing the things he's about to be doing with no saliva. He's not chugging that glass of water beforehand because he's super committed to staying hydrated, he's just a very courteous dude.
5. "I hope I get the favor returned."
Of course he loves making you feel good, but there's likely a teeny tiny part of him that's wondering at what point he's allowed to hint that maybe he wouldn't totally hate a blow job right now.
6. "I wonder if I left my car's lights on."
If he's really going for the gold down there, things might take awhile until you both find your groove. Totally fine, but at some point his mind is probably going to start to wander to the mundane chores he forgot to do. He might even wonder if he could pull off a subtle behind-the-back text to see if someone can take his dog out for a walk.
7. "Time to say goodbye to at least some of my hair."
You'll likely be pulling strands out by the end if he's done his job right.
8. "Vagina. Yes!"
Not much to unpack here.
9. "May the spirit of my ancestors guide me."
It's NEVER a bad idea to ask for help from the spirit world before oral.
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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.