1. That time you wanted to drive to Tagaytay so you could both have lunch with your parents Saturday.
As soon as you got into bed with him and said the phrase "lunch date with my parents in Tags," he shut his eyes tightly and acted like he was catatonic. He can use those eight hours of sleep to dream up fake plans he already made.
2. When you wanted to snuggle.
It's not that he hates snuggling, it's just that sometimes the room gets too hot and his arm falls asleep and he gets a kink in his neck. Already being asleep is a lot easier than explaining why he wants to just lie on his stomach and pass out.
3. That time you texted him to ask him, "How many kids do you see yourself having?"
He knew better than to go down that road. He just threw his phone across the room and ignored it until the next morning.
4. When you asked him some kind of impossible, sphinxian question like, "Which one of my friends do you think is the hottest?"
That question is death, so it's better for us to just play dead as if we just ran into a bear.
5. Any time you try to plan something boring and responsible.
We don't want to talk about all the ways we're going to reorganize the closets together right before we go to bed. We just want to wake up, wing it, and die a little inside knowing that this is how we're spending our time.
6. After he already pissed you off for saying you don't like Beyoncé. Or Taylor Swift.
If we've already pushed our luck, we probably just want to go into stealth mode and do our best not to escalate things. In situations like this, it's better to just retreat.
7. When he actually just wants to go to sleep.
We haven't fallen asleep yet but we're so tired we're not going to risk it. When you're in the other room brushing your teeth, we might as well just go silent and wait for sweet, sweet sleep to come take us.
8. When you put on a TV show he doesn't care about.
Better to fake passing out than have to follow a new episode of Pangako Sa 'Yo just so you have someone to talk about it with.
9. That time he stayed up late with his friends.
He texted you and told you he was going to sleep, maybe he even was going to go to sleep, and then his roommate showed up with beer and pizza and video games, and he figured why tell you he's still up.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.