9 Tips To Make Doggy-Style More Comfy

Shout-out to all my ladies who are with dudes on the, ahem, bigger side.
PHOTO: GETTY/KATIE CZERWINSKI

Like all things sex, doggy style sex can come with a lot of questions. So, if you’ve ever wondered if you’re doing doggy “correctly” (spoiler: doggy has a ton of different varieties and tweaks so any variation of your-partner-entering-you-from-behind is “correct”!), rest assured, you’re not alone. If you’re wondering about the intricacies of pulling it off (are you supposed to be on your hands, elbows, or arms?) or if you’re just wondering about how to make it more comfy for you, we’ve got answers for you!

Here are some of the most commonly asked doggy style-centric questions, along with expert insight from Carmel Jones, sex and relationship coach and writer at The Big Fling; and Gigi Engle, LifeStyles brand ambassador, certified sex coach, and author of All the F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life, to help.

1. Am I supposed to be on my hands, elbows, or resting on my arms reached out during doggy? I keep seeing different things!

You can do doggy in any variety of ways (so whichever is most comfortable for you, do that!), with one of the more common ways is with you leaning or resting on your hands or arms, explains Jones. “Some people like to get on all fours on the bed and rest on their hands,” which is considered the most “classic” form of doggy, according to Jones. And if you’re looking for even deeper sensation, Jones recommends keeping your butt up higher, arching your back, or resting on your forearms instead of hands or palms: If you do yoga, “Imagine it like Child’s Pose with your bum in the air,” Jones adds.

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2. Why does doggy style feel like it makes me more likely to queef sometimes?

Before we get into this, let’s just note that queefing is totally normal (check out our list of fascinating queef-tastic facts here if you’re so inclined) and something you can’t “hold in” or control. Because doggy is a relaxing position that causes your pelvic muscles to be raised, more air can get inside, which might explain why doggy leads to queefing more so than other positions, explains Jones. Queefing is also caused by movement or changing positions, which could be the reason why. “The shift in your position might also contribute to the motion of air flowing out. But you must remember, that's all it is: air. It's nothing to be ashamed of anyway,” she adds.

3. Sometimes I feel extra bloated after doggy, why?

Just like queefing, there could be a variety of reasons why you feel bloated after doggy style, explains Jones. One reason could be if you have a tipped uterus (more common than you’d think, FYI!) Women with a tipped uterus often describe discomfort during doggy style, says Jones. If you think this is you, talk it over with your OBGYN who can assess if the bloated feeling is attributed to your anatomy.

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4. It’s really hard for me to O during doggy. Any suggestions?

If you’re having a little trouble getting there during doggy-style, you’re not alone. Actually, not to make you feel basic, but there are plenty of women with the same issue. A 2017 study found that 36 percent of women need clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm. And let’s face it, doggy-style isn’t exactly heavy on the clit rubbing.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. “Get your clitoris involved by bringing in some sex toys,” says Engle. “A smaller toy is easier to maneuver over the clitoris since you’re balancing with one hand on the bed and the other on your clit,” she says.

But honestly, know that doggy just isn’t the right position for everyone when it comes to having an orgasm—and that’s totally chill. “Doggy-style can be enjoyable without orgasms, so don’t put so much pressure on yourself to come,” she says. Instead, mix up your sex positions so you can find which position does.

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5. I feel like doggy never really goes deep enough for me. What can I do to feel my dude a bit more?

According to Engle, all you really need to get maximum depth next time you and bae are doing it doggy is a slight tweak to your positioning. “Try moving onto your elbows for support instead of being on straight all-fours,” she says. “This can get your partner deeper.” Another option? Try out flat doggy, where you lie on your stomach and your partner lies directly on top of you, says Engle.

6. This isn’t the most intimate position. I feel like I’m not really connecting with my BF at all. Is there any way to make doggy feel less like f*cking and more like making looove?

If you’re not feeling super ~connected~ to your bae during doggy, it might be time to slo-mo this B. “Doggy-style is often depicted in porn as this rough and intense pounding position, and it really doesn’t need to be this way,” says Engle. “Slow everything down. Have your partner thrust with purpose.” Engle actually recommends slowing things down as a rule of thumb whenever you want things to feel a bit more intimate in bed. “When in doubt, slow down the sex to make it more sensual,” she says.

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If you’re craving some mid-coital smooches, there’s even a way to get that taken care of. “You can even sit back on your knees, with your partner still inside you, so they can kiss your neck and grab your breasts,” says Engle. “All of this makes the position very intimate and sexy.”

7. My dude is BIG (humblebrag) and sometimes the penetration is too deep. Anything we can do?

If you’re dealing with this issue, Engle says that first and foremost, you have to make sure you’re, like, 110 percent turned on before any P goes into your V. “This can take 20 to 30 minutes for women,” she says. “Oral sex is a must. The vagina naturally expands when it’s aroused. If you’re not ready for penetration, there can be pain and even tearing. This is the biggest cause for female pain during sex.”

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In addition to being aroused, make sure you have a handy bottle of lube lying around on deck. “Lube is a must. We need to stop having shame around lube,” she says. “It doesn’t matter how wet you get, you should always be using more lube. The wetter, the better. This will help with discomfort.”

8. My dude always slips out during doggy. WTF is going on?

Alright, so there are a few reasons he could be slipping out of you so often: “It could be that he has a smaller penis or it could be that your thrusting movements are too big and you’re out of sync with your rhythm,” says Engle.

No matter what the reasoning behind the regular slip-outs, Engle says it’s nothing a little good old-fashioned communication can’t fix. “The easiest way to handle it is to decide which one of you is moving and which one of you is staying still during this position,” she instructs. “That way, you don’t wind up disconnected." Or try flat doggy, as described above, since this positioning gives a more controlled depth, which can make staying in easier.

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9. Is there any way to modify the doggy position if it doesn’t feel comfortable to me?

If the classic knees-down-ass-up doggy isn’t working for you, Engle recommends working a pillow into the mix when you’re doing it the OG way. “Being on all fours can cause a lot of banging around of the cervix, which is not ideal,” she says. “Try placing a pillow or two under your hips for more lift.”

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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.

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