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You've Probably Experienced One Of These Breakups

The breakup that makes you feel like you need to go find yourself.
PHOTO: giphy.com

1. The out-of-nowhere breakup

This is the breakup that can absolutely destroy a person. If you don't see a breakup coming, and you're super happy with how your relationship is, this thing hits you like a truck and leaves you lying on your couch in sweatpants eating ice cream that tastes like your tears (because you're crying, you see. Get it?).

2. The exhausting, long, painfully drawn-out breakup

No, this isn't the "grueling, three-hour talk" break up. This is the kind that takes place over days or even weeks. You break up, but you don't have closure. So you meet to talk more about it. And more. And then on top of that you drop stuff off at each other's houses over the next few days. It's masochistic.

3. The miracle breakup

When you want to break up, but your partner does the dirty work for you, it feels like a small miracle. You get to walk away guilt free. Well-done, you.

4. The cordial breakup

It's a rare thing when two people can agree to terminate a relationship at the same time and stay friendly afterwards. It takes maturity and introspection. And also admitting, "Hey, we're really just going out so we don't have to go to the movies alone, aren't we?" Run away while you still can.

5. The less-than-24-hours breakup

This is symptomatic of specific relationships. You get in a huge fight, break up, and reconcile the next day. And you do it a lot; maybe more than you realize. If your friends just roll their eyes and don't even bother comforting you, it's because they know the breakup is going to last about as long as a head cold.


6. The "long time coming" breakup

If you're in an unhealthy relationship that gets dragged out for way too long, when the breakup finally comes, it comes hard. In fact, it's probably less of a breakup and more just the two of you screaming the worst insults you possibly can at each other. It's an hour of venting and getting every horrible thing they've ever done off your chest. The upside: at least it's over?

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7. The appallingly informal breakup

Did you just get broken up with over Snapchat? If you had to replay their breakup message to you to make sure, that's pretty awful. Just remember they've done you a favor by demonstrating they're a terrible human being. You should be able to move on quickly.

8. The "don't fucking talk to me ever again" breakup

Did you catch them cheating in the act? You probably used that phrase and then scrubbed them from every app you have, so there's no way they can even contact you. It's like they never existed.

9. The breakup that makes you feel like you need to go find yourself

Everyone has had that Eat. Pray. Love. breakup, where you'd go to France and just think about things if you had the money. Instead, you sit and think about things at home over a frozen pizza and don't date again for a while. Poh-tay-toh, Poh-tah-toh.

10. The breakup that happens because things get too serious too fast

Nine times out of 10, when two people try really hard to "just have fun, nothing serious," one of them winds up getting serious. And then the other has to put them out of their misery, like shooting a horse with a broken leg. I know, I know, that's harsh, but so is this type of breakup.

11. The breakup where your friends and family shit all over your ex as soon as it's over

It turns out everyone hated your newly anointed ex, and you're finding out all about it now. Sure, this might sound like they're ripping apart someone you love, and that might hurt, but it definitely makes you feel like you dodged a bullet.

Follow Frank on Twitter.

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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.

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