Sure, there can be a lot of pressure on Valentine’s Day to make it le most romantic day of the year, but honestly, it’s just your average Sunday. And as long as you and your partner are both enjoying yourselves, you’ve got the right idea already. That being said, if the spirit of the holiday has you looking to turn up some extra heat in celebration, then by all means, explore the shit out of that.
Because when it comes to making the sex on February 14 even more special, you can go big with the romance, the kink, or both. Romance and kink aren’t mutually exclusive, and it’s totally possible to incorporate a steamy BDSM sesh with eye-gazing intimacy too. After all, BDSM and kink are reliant on trust among partners, and what’s more intimate than that?
Obviously no matter what route you choose to take, aftercare is an especially important step to take after Valentine’s Day sex (or any sex for that matter). It’s the act of checking in with your partner after sex to make sure their needs are met and that they’re comfy and happy, which = a great way of showing your partner that you care about them. (Isn’t that what we all want on a day life V-day?)
So for your viewing pleasure, here are 16 tips to help you unleash your inner horny self. Whether you want to bring out the blindfolds or have missionary with even more eye contact, go get your O.
Have some fun with a couple's vibrator.
If you and your person can't be physically together this V-day, no worries. Sex toy brands have apps that pair with their vibrators and sex toys. When you download it to your phone, you can control the pressure, speed pulses, etc. of the vibrator or sex toy all from within the app itself.
This is especially perfect if you want to sexify V-day because, with consent from you, it also lets your partner control your toy from their phone too. This means that regardless of if you and your partner are social distancing or 10,000 miles away from each other, your partner can join you during your masturbating session to make a super sexy V-day present.
Play with temperature.
Yup, this is your sign to bring some heat (or chill) to the bedroom. Temperature play is what happens when you use hot and cold sensations to add a lil spice in the bedroom. (Think ice cubes, hot water, candles, etc.)
Invest in a low-stress staycation environment.
Home is nice and all, but it’s also likely where a lot of your stress lies. There’s laundry to put away, surfaces that need dusting, and if you have kids, there’s always the threat of them popping in at any second to disrupt you. “Stress is a libido killer, for sure,” says sex educator Cassandra Corrado. It’s for this reason that she suggests booking a hotel room to take some pressure off yourself to clean and get everything ready for the perfect night, hiring a cleaning crew, or booking a babysitter to make sure the little ones are entertained for the night and you won’t be distracted.
Write out your fantasies.
As hot as it might be to have your S.O. whisper their fantasies to you, the truth is that saying those fantasies out loud can be a lil nerve-racking. “Putting pen to paper could help you unlock your sexual confidence,” Corrado says. She suggests setting time a week or so in advance to write the letters and then swap with each other. You can swap on Valentine’s Day or beforehand if you need extra props or some such. Or just go for the grand reveal on Valentine’s Day and make it all about reading the steamy erotica you’ve written instead of putting pressure on yourselves to act out everything in real time.
Hire a private chef.
Hiring a private chef can often be cheaper than going out, and you’ve got the added benefit that both of you can have a glass of wine or two at dinner instead of one of you needing to be the designated driver to get back home, says sex coach Myi Baker, founder of Lady Luxxxe. “The privacy allows for more intimacy and makes for a much more romantic evening,” she adds. Just keep in mind, you’ll likely have to go over the menu in advance, so just like booking dinner at a night out, you’ll also need to plan a bit beforehand.
Take a virtual couples tantra class together.
It doesn’t have to be tantra—any workshop or class will do—but tantra especially would be fitting for hot V-Day sex, as you and your partner will reap the rewards even after that class. “These classes are focused on teaching the proper techniques for touch, intimacy, and massage in a fun and sexy way,” says Baker. Expect to learn new moves, go through bonding exercises, and learn new sensual touching techniques to turn up the heat year-round.
Spice up your sex with some role-play.
Plan on meeting at a "bar" in your kitchen. Then, introduce yourself to your significant other when they happen to sit right next to you. From then on, you two can play out a situation with completely different occupations and names. The possibilities are endless! Take it to the bedroom and end your role-play fantasy with a bang.
Make a spotify playlist.
Include all your favorite sexy songs in one playlist specifically for Valentine’s Day. Pick your fave bops with different beats and tempos so you can enjoy alllll kinds of rides along your many sex sessions.
Incorporate your fave foods.
Who said dessert has to be served at the dinner table? Bring the ice cream, whipped cream, or fave sweet treat into the bedroom. Serve it on you and your partner, and voilà—le best tasting dessert you could ask for.
Have sex before dinner.
Think about it: You have a delicious glass of wine and another and another. Then the dinner, then the dessert, and all of a sudden, it’s midnight and you have work the next day. Full, buzzed, and exhausted aren’t always the best circumstances for boning. So get it on before you leave for your date instead, and spend the rest of the meal basking in a sexy afterglow. And you know, more wine.
Or better yet, get it on the next morning.
You shouldn’t go into a holiday that’s supposed to be fun all worked up over expectations of sex. If it doesn’t happen naturally, that’s okay! There’s nothing quite like rolling over the next morning and whispering all the things you wish you had done last night into your partner’s ear. (You can be a little late to work.)
Buy each other one new sexy item for the bedroom.
A massage oil candle or a new vibrator, perhaps? If your hope is to shake up your lurvemaking routine, commit to bringing one new thing to the bedroom.
Get each other chocolate.
Because what’s better than one box of chocolate? Two! It’s cheap, affordable, and super sexy when you’re dropping the pieces into each other’s mouth.
Do something fun rather than sexy.
Some people are all about the candlelit meal with the soft violin music, and if that’s you, go for it! But if all the extra bells and whistles aren’t really your style, it’s easy to feel like you’re forcing the ~romance~, which can leave you feeling anything but sexy. Instead, try an activity that focuses on togetherness and fun. Attend a virtual ballet, order some take-out, or watch your fave Netflix series. An event that leaves you feeling connected might be more likely to inspire sexy times than a four-course dinner would.
Spend the day sexting.
If you shoot off quick, sexy missives of what you want to do to each other throughout the day, then come nighttime, you’ll have a hot script of your own to act out. Plus, the buildup of anticipation is unbearable in the best way.
Get them a gift card that’s really for you.
If you really want to go all in on the This Is the Sex Holiday vibe, set a budget, buy a gift card to a lingerie store of your choosing, and write down your sizes with a note that says, “You pick.” They get to see you in lingerie + you get to keep said lingerie.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.