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What Do Guys Talk About When Girls Are Not Around?

Are you ready to find out?

What really goes on in an all-male convo? From the predictable (sports and video games—duh) to the nasty (dick jokes and digs that diminish each other’s masculinity) to the stuff girlfriends would NOT want to hear (chicks they’d bang and that ex they loved hard), we got five real guys to spill the deets.

1. They talk about their girlfriends.

“We talk about our partners during our nights out: stuff our partners do that annoy us and stuff they do that makes us want to kiss them.” - LA, 26

“In the early phases of dating, guys would talk about the physical and superficial stuff, like what’s the sex like, is she a good kisser, is she open to weird stuff and things like that. But after weeks or months of things going smoothly, we’ll talk about the intimate things, like how she reacts when I share my opinions, how we argue, how we discuss current events, and how we disagree about certain areas in life.” - Daniel, 27

“We talk about petty problems when it comes to girlfriends but very seldom about private matters like sex with them. This is because most of the girlfriends are friends with close friends or become close with us in the long run, so talking shit about them is like shitting in your own backyard. With girls we just date, however, it’s different. We talk about them and make jokes about them until the time she becomes the girlfriend.”  - Hans, 31

2. They talk about other girls (who are NOT their girlfriends).

“We talk about girls we want to bang, girls we find attractive, girls we find annoying, and even the exes. We could give a friend shit about the stupid things he did for an ex or that one time he tried approaching that hot girl at a bar and how bad he failed.” – Pablo, 26

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“Biologically, we men are wired to think about sex: boobs, ass, and the mysterious down under. Like if a hot girl passes by, of course we’ll objectify her. Blame nature and culture. But mind you, we don’t go into details like horny 12-year-olds. We’d be like, ‘Dat ass!’ ‘Yeah she’s probably good in bed,’ ‘Yeah I’d do her.’ And done. It’s like a 15-second thing. Then we’ll go back to whatever topic we were talking about.” - Daniel

“When it comes to women we think are sexy, it really depends on how the woman presents herself. For example, if we’re talking about Blake Lively—whom I love—it probably won’t be about sex. It might just be about what she’d be like, how she’d smell, how she’d look at you, what we’d talk about. In contrast, if we’re talking about someone like Sasha Grey or Maria Ozawa, well, you know how that would go.” - Jimmy, 35

3. They can talk on and on (and on) about their interests. 

“My friends and I are big DotA and basketball nerds, and during some drinking sessions, the conversations get so intense that we have to remind each other to simmer down to not repel chicks.” - LA

“Among my friends, it’s a mixture of sports, video games, music, and band life. A lot of the dudes geek over mangas, hardcore immersive gaming experiences, pro DotA talk, and in-depth analyses of NBA teams, rookies, and even the management issues of the teams.” – Pablo

“We talk about current events or some trend that matters to us: when Ronda Rousey defeated Bethe Correia, when the new trailer for Star Wars came out, or when some actor got cast in a movie or TV series. But small topics like that can sometimes lead to deeper stuff. After talking about Ronda’s fights, we’ll discuss the future of women in MMA. Star Wars can lead to theories about real space stuff, aliens, and potential dimensions.” - Daniel

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4. They talk throwbacks.

“We often talk about funny high school and college moments, and past mishaps. Some stories must have been told hundreds of times, most of them memories of another drinking session and the funny events that transpired. That’s why they say no great story ever started with someone eating a salad.” - Hans

“We would talk about fistfights we’ve had, girls we slept with back in high school, mga magandang teachers na minamanyak namin. Sometimes we just relive those moments when adult life hits us hard. We'd be like, ‘Sarap bumalik sa ‘90s. ‘Yung walang problema.’ Then next thing you know, Jonny Quest and Captain Planet na ang pinag-uusapan.” - Daniel

“All the crazy things kids do: getting stoned, coming home drunk, petty shoplifting, turning your parents’ living room into a band rehearsal space, what it was like driving a two-door Gemini with nine of your friends all packed in the rear like illegal immigrants. To be reminded what you were like back then and realize where you are right now or how far you’ve gone can be therapeutic.” - Jimmy

5. They talk shit to each other for fun.

“Any joke that demeans each other’s manhood, we’ll use it on each other.” - Daniel

“We call out a friend for a bad habit he has or make fun of an unfortunate event in his life. This may include mocking him for the girls he once dated, the way he acted when he was younger, and what he thought was cool when he was younger. Male friends have sharp memories: You fuck up once, they remember it forever.” - Pablo

“If someone’s on the phone, we do blow job or hand job gestures just to mess with our friend.” - LA

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6.  Yes, they talk about their feelings. (Sometimes.)

“We talk about emotional stuff and other sensitive issues in smaller groups. It would be such a bummer both for the group and the person pouring his heart out if he did it on a regular Saturday night drinking spree.” - Hans

“If one of us is dealing with a problem, we discuss it. We don’t ask for too many details, though. We normally just let the other guy talk. We give our thoughts and just tell him to man up. Then we’ll hug it out.” - Daniel

“Recently, the boys and I went out to console a brother who just got out of a long-term relationship. He talked about the ordeal and all that, and the first thing I said to him after listening was ‘You need a rebound, man. Get you some casual sex.’” – LA

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