So, you want to find the perfect guy, or you know, maybe just a decent one. Here's what not to do.
Don't be easy.
You're at a bar with a group of girls. A man is checking the lot of you out. He's making the whole "sideways-looking-with-the-eyes-while-fidgeting" thing. If he's secure, mature, suavely single, and at least three years past the little boy phase, he'll zero in on YOU, thinking to himself "She's pretty, she's got a good smile, she looks like she can hold herself up well in conversation...I'd possibly like to get to know her."
If he's an ass and looking out only for his dick, he'll zero in on YOU and think "Of the six girls there, she looks like the one who'll drop her panties the fastest."
Don't give this dude the chance to prove his innner child right. Forget easy. Easy gets you the catfish of the man world. Sure, they're tasty, but at the end of the day, they're bottom-feeders. You don't want those fish lips permanently latched onto you.
Don't play hard to get.
The flip-side of Bad Habit Number One. You've all heard this advice: Guys like it coy, guys like the mystery woman, guys like it when they have to run the marathon and bowl through your other suitors and prove their worth to get you to at least look at them. Imagine what you'd make us go through just to ask you out on a date.
So yeah: Keep it cool, but don't be an ice queen. That kind of game-playing got kind of old in high school. We're not saying you should throw yourself at him, your clothes peeling away as you scream "My body is ready!" Some sort of natural, non-haughty way of getting our attention will do fine.
Don't make parinig on Facebook.
Grabe, as if naman you need pa to mention the name, basta the #kilig factor is what's important to broadcast to the world. #IfYouKnowWhatIMean
Okay. What we just did? Don't do it.
He sits with you at lunch. You have great conversation. You're not sure if there are sparks, but yeah, that was, without a doubt, very good conversation. There was a connection. Definitely. Or maybe he was just being friendly? Like, doesn't he do that to all girls? But he talked about his dead dog! That's like, private, meaningful, only-to-be-shared-with-someone-special information right there.
But he did it in this disinterested tone of voice, like he was there, but not really. Which may explain why his eye contact was slightly off, except for that one moment when he said, "Something-something affection," and in that split second, did he or did he not somehow glance at you like for half a heartbeat—QUIT IT.
This is the kind of stuff that just corkscrews your brain and wastes cranial real estate on things less important than, say, work or the food that's burning on the pan in front of you. If you think there was a connection, it's better to work on it instead of getting worked up over it.
This story originally appeared in Cosmopolitan magazine, February 2014.
* Minor edits have been made by Cosmo.ph editors