I don't know who needs to hear this, but sexual fantasies come in all difference shapes and sizes. It's likely you won't have the same fantasies as your best friends, and that's okay. So long as everything is consensual, these things are completely personal to you.
For some, it can mean simply bringing a bullet vibrator vibrator into the bedroom for some extra clitoral stimulation (which I *highly* recommend, btw). For others, it could mean hanging a ceiling sex swing, grabbing some handcuffs, securing a blindfold, and/or buying leather lingerie. So, yeah, there’s a bit of a spectrum.
But regardless of what you may or may not be interested in, exploring sexual fantasies are a great way not only to ~spice~ up the bedroom in whatever way that floats your boat, but it can take the monotony out of your normal day-to-day. (Oh, and if you love Halloween, it's basically the perf excuse to get into a character and/or costume, even when it’s not even October).
But remember, no matter how elaborate your sexual fantasy is, every sexual act in and out of the bedroom should start with a conversation—and yup, this means you should be having the sex talk with your partner regularly. What this looks like: For one, you need to develop a safe word (like "pineapple" or "red"). This word would only be used to relay to your partner that the scene is going too far or there's a boundary being crossed. You and/or your partner should stop immediately once a safe word is brought up. This ensures safe, consensual sex.
The second thing you can do is easy: Just talk to your partner. Since you're diving into new sexual territory with whatever you're trying, here are some questions you should be asking beforehand to make sure you're checking in with your partner and their pleasure: How will I know if you’re having fun? How will I know when I need to do something different? What kind of mood or feelings do we want to have while we play?
Now, the fun part. For all of you looking for inspo (or, hey, maybe are just super into voyeurism), here's 13 women’s most hottest, sexual fantasies.
- "Listen, we all love a sexy time playlist. And for me, good music is the difference between an amazing sex session and a holy-shit-this-is-going-to-make-me-orgasm sex session. For this reason, I've always wanted to wear headphones and listen to my favorite beats while a dude goes down on me. I tend to get distracted easily, so I think by closing my eyes and listening to the music on full-blast, the sensations would feel absolutely amazing. I just haven't had the confidence to bring this up to any of my partners because it feels a bit like a selfish sexual act, but maybe one day!" -Michelle, 26
- "I can't remember what specific show I was watching, but I remember this young couple sneaking off into the woman's parent's laundry room and fucking right on the washer itself. The man turned it on so that it was rumbly, and he bent her over so that her whole body was shaking. I've always thought about that moment and wanted to explore what it feels like to be fucked on a washing machine, ha!" -Isabella, 23
- "A happy ending massage. I just know how relaxed and amazing I feel after a massage anyway, so the thought of experiencing an orgasm too right after is almost too much." -Rachel, 34
- "My wildest sexual fantasy is being spit-roasted (penetrated both orally and anally/vaginally at the same time with multiple partners) by two other trans girls in a public place. I'm both an exhibitionist and a voyeur so I've always been turned on by the idea of people watching me submit, and I'm a trans lesbian myself so of course it has to be a damn near shameful, sinful encounter. It could be in a park or a restaurant for all I care." -Hazel, 20
- "My wildest sex fantasy would be pretending to be enemy spies trying to get information out of each other. My partner and I watch a lot of action and rom-com movies, and I've been obsessed with the idea of being an assassin from the show Killing Eve. In my fantasy, he's tied up and I have to tease him and edge him as torture, and he's not allowed to orgasm until he tells me what I want to know. On the flip side, when I'm tied up, he's constantly pleasuring me and alternating between teasing and fulfilling me. Of course at one point we're both free and it's a wrestle for dominance position-wise, as almost punishment for how the captor treated the captive." -Angel, 19
- "My go-to fantasy would be a teacher/student role-play scenario. I like alternating between the two roles and think it's so hot because there's so much room to be creative. You can get cute costumes and act out different scenarios. It's also fun to incorporate BDSM aspects and just have fun with it. I like how it brings out my playful side and stretches me creatively." -Emma*, 29
- "My wildest fantasy involves dominating a man and a woman at the same time in a cuckolding scenario. I love thinking about humiliating a man by making his wife orgasm over and over. My straight women friends seem like they can never find a partner who does them right, especially in our age range. I always feel kind of bad because lesbian sex has always been so explosively satisfying for me and I get such an ego boost from eating a girl out until she's shaking. I love it so much, I could do it all day. When a friend tells me that some guy just got his and didn't return the favor or she faked it, I get competitive. I love women, I want to show them how good sex can be. I do think about tying the boys up and seducing their girlfriends. Throw in some edging, like a hand job/blow job where he doesn't get to orgasm, and then go back to her and finger her and eat her out. Maybe she's talking about how she’s never had it this good before. All the better if he’s also sickly enjoying this." -Ashley*, 25
- "My wildest fantasy would be anything rough, tied up, maybe a break-in role-play. I've had this fantasy probably since I was about 18. I've always been a really, really sexual person and the thought of the force and being with someone that's just as sexual as myself is such a turn-on. I'm definitely more of a submissive gal so I think it tunes in to that as well. It's not really something I can whip out on the first date. I feel it might intimidate quite a few men. I'm hoping whoever I end up with in the long run will be able to handle my fantasies. I think my ideal scenario would involve tying up, toys, and lots and lots of dirty talk. I think engaging your brain in sex with dirty talk is something that’s so underrated and incredibly sexy." -Jessica*, 22
- "I think my fantasies have been hugely informed by fictional depictions of sex in books, TV, and movies. Lots of the scenarios play out in public places, back hallways, libraries, tucked in a corner, up against a wall, or in a stranger's house—which is funny, because my real sex life (monogamous, energetic but fairly vanilla) is pretty much confined to my own bedroom and occasionally the living room couch. Usually I'm fantasizing about sex with a stranger, or two strangers, usually a man, sometimes a hetero couple. The details of the narrative are typically vague, but I’m always imagining that there’s something illicit about the situation, like a forbidden romance in a professional or academic setting. To that last point, I've harbored an intense intellectual and physical/emotional crush on an older married college professor for years now and often return to that in my fantasies. The one common thread running through all my various go-to scenarios is that the person I'm messing around with is SUPER into me, super attracted to my body and me as a person, can't keep his hands off me, etc. That's by far the most important part of any story line that I get off to." -Brittany*, 27
- "My biggest fantasy is going to a house party with my husband, but spotting a girl that I'm really into (I'm bi and my husband is super supportive). I would go talk to her for a while, and after a few drinks and getting a little tipsy, we would move to an empty room and start hooking up. Ideally, she would be inexperienced with other women but 'always wanted to try,' so I would sort of help her and show her what to do. And my husband isn't really involved." -Anna*, 24
- "In terms of my wildest sex fantasy, I guess I get off on the idea of being very unlike myself. I’m a feminist and very independent, but for some reason, the idea of having several men fuck me at the same time and sharing me drives me wild. It's not quite a MMF threesome fantasy, more like a few dudes focusing on dominating me. Somewhere semi-exposed (like an apartment with a wall of windows) would be the ideal setting. They wouldn't interact with each other, but they also wouldn't care about my pleasure." -Jenna*, 23
- "My boyfriend got me a pair of yoga pants with a hidden opening in the crotch. I can wear them anywhere and no one notices. But when we want to get it on, I can leave them on. No surprise, our sex life has gone from hot to sizzling. But I have a problem. I am hot-hot-hot for my yoga coach and I suspect he's into me. I have this fantasy of staying after class and showing him how my sexy yoga pants work." -Alison*, 25
- "My hottest sexual fantasy would be riding in a fast car on a desert road with my man. We pull over on the side, I climb in the driver's seat, and make love while the sun sets." -Brie, 27
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.