1. No, it doesn't get sexy with the waxer.
Yes, she has her hands super close to our vagina, but to her, it's as sexy as putting a burger on a bun at a fast food restaurant. She does it multiple times per day and they all look pretty much the same after a while.
2. It's not a "mild" pain level at all.
Imagine someone ripping all the hair off your crotch while your eyes tear up and you wonder if you'll pass out soon. Would you categorize that as mild? Yeah, me neither.
3. We don't keep our heels on.
Despite the various movie scenes where the women sexily pull down their underwear and keep their heels on while getting a wax, this does not happen IRL. Unless you are very late to an important meeting business meeting that somehow requires both the presence of heels and the absence of body hair. We sit there in a T-shirt and no pants like Daffy Duck while we wait for the waxer to mildly hurt us. It's the least hot thing.
4. Yes, it can be mortifying.
Not always, but sometimes. Sitting in a room with fluorescent lighting shining down on your pantsless body while a stranger looks at your vagina feels like every "I'm naked at school" nightmare you've ever had, but so much worse. Even thinking about it is making me need anti-anxiety meds.
5. It doesn't get any easier the more you do it, but it does get slightly less painful.
Unless you don't keep up with it and decide to grow a chia pet bush instead, which is a perfectly acceptable choice. Sadly though, waiting while that bush grows into an all-consuming forest will make it hurt way more the next time, which means once you're in, you're in. Kind of like a waxing mafia.
6. It seems like it takes foreeeeeever.
Once the first waxing strip comes off, you want to be like, "Damn, that wasn't so bad." But guess what? They're going to do that, like, 10 more times and each one will seem like it's in slow-motion.
7. The results last what will seem like a fleeting period of time.
Sure, it looks solid for about two weeks after, but that's pretty much it. Two weeks. Maybe three, if you're lucky. Then you have to wait to grow it out a little bit so you can go back again soon after. So no, we don't get waxed once and then we're good for an eternity. It's coooooonstant upkeep.
8. There's not just one type of wax you can get.
There's a Brazilian, a landing strip, just the sides, and cute little shapes if you want them. I've never had the guts to be like, "I want a lightning bolt," but that doesn't mean some other woman isn't walking around with a lightning bolt right now. Good for you, lightning lady.
9. Waxing isn't cheap.
Waxes typically range anywhere from $40 to $100 so yeah, sometimes we would rather skip waxing and spend that money on brunch instead.
10. Sometimes we make small talk with the waxer.
And that's almost as painful as the wax itself. "How are you today, person looking at my vagina? Good? Cool."
11. No, we don't wax just for dudes.
Even if we know no one will see our crotch for the foreseeable future, plenty of women just like the way it looks. The prospect of some hot dude who might prefer our hair to look one specific way has pretty much zero bearing on why we do it.
12. Just because you wax once doesn't mean you want to always wax.
Don't be shocked if sometimes we're waxed and other times we're not. Waxing isn't cheap, it's not painless, and honestly sometimes we enjoy being human beings with hair. Deal.