1. When you're too tall and your jeans become a camel toe factory. You can hike and hike and hike all you want, but all you're really hiking is your vulva into prime visibility.
2. When you try to get them over your big butt and your jeans are like LOL. There are few things more embarrassing than being in the dressing room with jeans that only go to your mid-butt.
3. When your jeans are too long and then you end up stepping on the bottoms until they're just sad ankle-frayed nightmares. I used to think I could pull this look off in high school. "Oh, it's just because I don't care," I said. "It'll look casual," I said. I was wrong.
4. When you buy high-waisted jeans to avoid muffin top but then after a few months, you start getting muffin top over the high-waisted jeans and you're like, "Oh, god, what have I done, who have I become?"
5. When you're short and you have to hem them, but instead you fold them under and hope no one notices. You also avoid mirrors every time you wear them because you look like a child and you know it.
6. When you buy the size you need and four hours later, they've stretched so much they're a jeans tent. And you can't even return them now because you've hiked them so much you basically need a series of ropes to tie them to your body like a cape.
7. When the cheap ones dye your underwear without your consent. I can't tell you how many times I've had blue underwear because the dye oozed … OOZED onto them. And you can try to wash that dye out but haha, nope. Your underwear is tie-dye blue now and now those are your jeans underwear.
8. When non-stretch ones stick straight out over your butt so people can see straight down your crack. And of course they fit in literally every other way but that so you just kind of have to hope no one notices that your butt crack is basically on the cover of Us Weekly every day except Us Weekly is your butt.
9. When they make your stomach super flat and also smash your butt while they're at it. Stomach flattening = cool. Flattening my butt into a smushed pancake so I look like a constipated teenage boy = less cool.
10. Muffin top. God bless flowy tops.
11. When you go to buy another pair of your favorite jeans and find out they've been discontinued and the new version is like a punishment for not buying them in bulk sooner. Why do we always think they'll last forever? And more importantly, why can't they last forever?!
12. When you wash your jeans and they shrink to the size of Barbie jeans. And then somehow, two hours later, they're that weird-ass pants parachute again and the cycle continues.
13. When you go to buy your regular size and it doesn't even go past your mid-thigh. And then you have to wonder if you've suddenly gained 30 pounds or if this is just the latest in "I will never, ever know my jeans size in every single store I walk into" fuckery. Usually it's the second one and we are all powerless to stop it.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.