1. Taking it off and having red marks all over you like you were tied up with it. Oh, no, officer. No one held me hostage in my bra. I just have literally zero idea how tight it's supposed to be at any given time.
2. You will always either have that weird gap where more boob should go or that spillover where too much boob doesn't know where to go. Shouldn't there be an in between where, you know, they're just chilling in there?
3. Having literally no idea how often you're supposed to wash it. My go-to is "when it smells," which is very classy and works every time.
4. Throwing it in the washing machine is basically like throwing it into a room where someone shoots it to death. And this is why my "when it smells" thing is the way it is. You can't risk that death just because you wore it one day. No, no, no. Plus, the only other alternative is…
5. Hand-washing it and feeling like, "There is no way putting it in my bathroom sink for 30 seconds cleaned this thing." Hand-washing is a joke.
6. Strapless bras, LOL. If I started listing all the ways that strapless bras fail every woman over an A cup, I'd be here all day.
7. Feeling your boobs sweating in your bra and being powerless to stop it. And then later taking it off and seeing the little sweat patches that might not ever come out in the wash. Ugh. No.
8. The dumb straps that are always falling or showing or too tight or twisted or just generally never doing what they're supposed to do. Seriously, how have we not solved this problem yet?!
9. When you're buying a bra but your boobs are slightly different sizes and you're like, "OK which of you is going to spill out and which one of you is going to be tucked away in too much fabric like an egg in a hammock?"
10. How there is basically no bra on earth that doesn't show through your clothes. Lacy ones? Definitely. Grandma bras? Sometimes they still show, yes. Ones that have little bows in the middle? Yep, for sure. They're all the devil.
11. Trying to put on a sports bra should be an Olympic event. "Here we have Lane trying to get the bra over her head and now through her arms. Oh, now let's watch as she at once lifts her boobs so they're too high, so she can pull the bra quickly over them and squish them around inside the bra. Wow, she really is breathing heavily."
12. When you read a story about how often you should buy new ones while you're wearing a bra that's, like, five years old, like every single bra you own.
13. When you get measured for a bra and they tell you you've been wearing the wrong size for, like, 20 years. And now you'll never know what life would've been like if only you'd known that sooner. Those years are gone.
14. When your favorite bra loses its elasticity or pops a wire, and it's an instant bra funeral. You can try to keep wearing it anyway, but its spirit has left its body and you know this.
15. The primal need to rip it off your body the second you get home. How I don't let out a vicious "Nyyyyeaahhh!" roar every time I tear it away violently from my boobs I will never know.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.