Posted on November 5, 2012
by Robin Hilmantel
Text him twice because he's gone MIA and you'll most likely be rewarded with radio silence. But, forget your BlackBerry at home for the day and you'll probably come home to several mushy text messages from him. That's because of a simple phenomenon we're calling the rubber band effect.
The basic idea: Imagine that there's a giant rubber band around you and your guy. Anytime he seems to be getting distant, the best counteractive tactic is to pull away a little yourself. When you do so, you cause that virtual elastic to stretch…and suddenly, he feels the urge to spring back (read: get closer) to you.
Contrary to how it may sound, this isn't about being manipulative. It's about understanding when and why a guy needs space. “For men, romantic interest actually develops in the spaces,” says psychologist Denise Budden-Potts, PhD. “If you're already close to someone at all times, there's no room for desire.” Give him the space he's jonesing for (either consciously or subconsciously) and that desire is sparked again.
But, in order to pull away, you have to ignore your first impulse. “When a woman feels like a man is taking a few steps back, she instinctively starts probing so she can figure out what's going on,” says Budden-Potts. Instead, embrace his craving for space and give him even more than he might need. The beauty of the rubber-band effect is that you can, and should, use it at every stage of your relationship to drive up his desire.
Continue reading on the next page.
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December 20, 2012 at 07:51 am report abuse