Your Secret Love Weapon: The Rubber Band Effect
When a guy starts distancing himself, the smartest tactic to bring him back is to pull away a little.
Posted on November 5, 2012
by Robin Hilmantel

Text him twice because he's gone MIA and you'll most likely be rewarded with radio silence. But, forget your BlackBerry at home for the day and you'll probably come home to several mushy text messages from him. That's because of a simple phenomenon we're calling the rubber band effect.

The basic idea: Imagine that there's a giant rubber band around you and your guy. Anytime he seems to be getting distant, the best counteractive tactic is to pull away a little yourself. When you do so, you cause that virtual elastic to stretch…and suddenly, he feels the urge to spring back (read: get closer) to you.

Contrary to how it may sound, this isn't about being manipulative. It's about understanding when and why a guy needs space. “For men, romantic interest actually develops in the spaces,” says psychologist Denise Budden-Potts, PhD. “If you're already close to someone at all times, there's no room for desire.” Give him the space he's jonesing for (either consciously or subconsciously) and that desire is sparked again.

But, in order to pull away, you have to ignore your first impulse. “When a woman feels like a man is taking a few steps back, she instinctively starts probing so she can figure out what's going on,” says Budden-Potts. Instead, embrace his craving for space and give him even more than he might need. The beauty of the rubber-band effect is that you can, and should, use it at every stage of your relationship to drive up his desire.

Continue reading on the next page.

1 2 3 4
Follow Cosmopolitan Philippines on Facebook and Twitter!
We Recommend
  • Anonymous
    Women are cheating all over the place, nowadays! (Rimes/Cibrian, Coco/IceT, Kristen Stewart, Rita Ora/Rob Kardashian, Petraeus women). My latest book, "I Steal Wives: A serial adulterer reveals the REAL reasons more and more 'happily married' women are cheating" is a powerful look at this EXPLOSIVE topic of female infidelity. Research shows itâs not only on the rise, but rivals or EXCEEDS that of male cheating. And the REAL reasons aren't the typical blather you hear on talk-TV or read in the SECOND-HAND information of some psychologist's self-help book. Truly, you will never see relationships the same way again! You'll see them much more clearly. This book is the FIRST BOOK EVER WRITTEN from the FIRST-HAND experience of a serial adulterer, who cheated with the wives/girlfriends of over 25 married men (and a few women), and who also happens to be a therapist (never cheated with clients) and has an eye for patterns in behavior, but more importantly, the core beliefs that drive behavior! The deep and powerful insights of this book will startle women and shock men! And hereâs a tip: Cheating always, always, always boils down to the exact same reason at the core: FEAR! "I Steal Wives" is a salacious, self-deprecating, at times funny, and penetratingly insightful look into what is now the very cutting-edge of relationships. It's the relationship version of "How to Secure Your House, as told by a professional burglar!" It will forever change how you do relationships and view life! Check it out now at Amazon and Barnes and Noble! People are loving it and it's selling FAST! Itâs now in the top 1% of books selling on Amazon!

    December 20, 2012 at 07:51 am    report abuse   

We'd like to know: Who do you think pulled off leather better at the 2014 VMAs? Ariana Grande, or Miley Cyrus?

  • Ariana Grande
  • Miley Cyrus
  • VOTE!