There are about a million and one things that run through your head while you're getting a bikini wax. Even if you're a total pro at waxing, you still have a ton of time to think about your life while you're getting your body hair ripped off by a stranger. Here are 11 things you've probably thought while that's happening.
1. "Do I have to chitchat with the waxer?"
It seems rude not to. I'll just make some really awkward and super-lame joke about the weather or my vulva, and then I'll be silent literally the rest of the time.
2. "Yep, she's definitely judging my feet/legs/vulva/whole body."
I'm normally pretty confident with my whole situation, but under these lights, I suddenly feel like a woman with troll feet and the cavewoman legs. Help.
3. "What if my vagina has more hair on it than anyone she's ever waxed?"
Oooh, and what if she gave me a prize for that? Hmm, is that a prize I want to win? Like, it kind of is because I like prizes but also I feel weird about wishing for that.
4. "Is it weird that a stranger is rubbing hot wax on my vagina? Yup."
I don't see it getting less weird any time soon and I am right because it won't.
5. "Honestly, it's just a piece of wax pulling hair off my body and I have a high pain tolerance. It's fine."
Look at how gently she's pressing the little strips on. I don't know why I always worry about this so much. I'm a woman. I can handle some stupid waxing pain.
6. "I hate you/Why did I come here/I hate this/No."
*Breathes heavily.* OK, but at least you're like, mostly done now, right? Right?
7. "Well, at least now that I remember how painful it is, it'll get less painful with each strip."
Hahaha, JK. It does not. It's fine though. I'll just breathe through it and be patient.
8. "ARE YOU FREAKING DONE YET??? COME ON!!!!"
Seriously, this is a relatively small area! How many strips could you possibly need? Please finish soon or use bigger waxing strips because I cannot.
9. "Yessss, cooling gel FTW."
More please. All of the gel. I want all of the gel.
10. "It'd be cool if you could say, 'Good job' or something, but if not, NBD."
Ideally, you'd throw in a "Wow, most of my clients have a way harder time with waxing but you're basically a superhero" but no pressure.
11. "If men had any idea what we freaking go through, I swear…"
Seriously, if I ever hear a man joke about how women are weak ever again in my life, I'm going to wax his whole body.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.