Q: So this is a question many girls ask: How do guys feel about cellulite? I am not a skinny girl (not overweight either), but I have a nice figure, which includes no belly but a big booty that looks great in jeans but not when I am naked because of a lot of cellulite on it (and on the thighs). And I usually receive lots of compliments on it, but I am not sure if when [guys] see what really is under jeans they get disappointed. It's actually frustrating to think that you will disappoint someone just because they had false expectations.
A: You're wondering about whether a guy will be upset when, after ogling your big booty, he sees your real rear view. And I'm glad you asked this question. Lately, I've been getting lots of letters from women who seem to think that guys will be surprised and disappointed when they see them nude.
Most guys are not turned off by real women's bodies because do not expect so-called photoshopped perfection—or anything close. If they've ever been with a real woman, they've seen wrinkles, stubble, bed-head hair, jiggling bellies, and everything else that gets air-brushed out of magazine spreads. If they've seen a woman naked—especially a woman with a great ass—they've almost certainly seen cellulite. It just comes with the impressive package. Guys do not expect to unzip your pants and see an ass that looks like Kim Kardashian's oiled-up, photoshopped Paper magazine cover. That shit is just not natural.
You know what else isn't natural? A guy who's turned on by a woman while she's fully dressed—and then less turned on when she's naked and about to have sex. Think about it.
Q: My partner and I started having sex recently. Neither of us is especially experienced so we sometimes hit stumbling blocks. This one was particularly surprising to me. He asked me to go down on him, but he said I was too gentle and it wasn't that exciting. We always use protection (a condom on him, a dental dam for me); he thinks that is why he might not feel as much. I will not have sex (oral, anal, vaginal) without a physical barrier, so what are some ways to help improve the experience for him, without removing the physical barrier?
A: There's no reason safe sex can't be hot, so stick with it. Don't abandon the condoms if that's your choice.
This is basically a technical question, so I'll try a practical answer: You know how there have been a ton of stories about how women go through their whole lives without wearing the bra that's right for their breasts? Guys are like that, only with condoms. A lot of them don't know which particular condom is best for their specific dick because they picked one brand when they were 17 and never tried anything else.
So experiment with a buffet of prophylactics. There's a surprising amount of difference in the shape and size of a condom. Check this chart out for examples—and fit is a mix of biology and personal preference.
Visit a sex store and talk to a knowledgeable clerk (or shop at a pharmacy if you must). Buy two of every condom they carry, plus a few different brands of lubricant. Usually, they'll even have a variety pack available at a discount. Condoms are always going to limit the sensation, but it's a surmountable obstacle, and tightness is the biggest problem (pun intended). The tighter the condom squeezes him, the less he will feel you—and yet, it's got to be tight enough that it doesn't slip off. Try lots of them from different brands: ribbed, thin, extra-large, flavored (for you!), glow-in-the-dark, whatever. And experiment with lube. Sometimes, a few drops of lube inside the condom can be a great help for him to make the condom feel more smooth inside—and extra lubrication is never a bad idea for you either. Find the condom and lube that's best for you. That's step one.
At the end of step one, you will have determined the least objectionable condom for both of you and bought a case of them. Now, on to figuring out what to do once he's got one on.
Step two is getting your guy to say more than, "I think it's the condom." Your guy's complaint that he doesn't feel as much with a condom is completely common and based in reality. Often, guys do want sex with a condom to be a little rougher because they're less sensitive with latex covering them (think about touching something with a rubber glove on your hand). Ask if he'd like you to grab him tighter, or work him harder and rougher than you might otherwise. The most important thing is to talk to him about it specifically: Do you like this? How about that?
Don't get too stressed about doing the so-called "right" thing. Sex is the ultimate trial-and-error experiment. The results are always changing. And it's way more fun if you try to enjoy all the inevitably messy, clumsy, fumbling, awkward little failures along the way. Improving your sex life requires making mistakes. You won't figure out what feels best if you don't try new things out. Bad sex might as well share that classic definition of insanity: "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
Above all, if you want to have safe sex, make sure he knows that the only way he's getting a blow job is if he's wearing a condom. Once he really understands that, I'm sure he'll be open to more suggestions.
Q: My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost four years now, and I love him. I even moved across county to be with him. I am a very, very sexual person. That being said, he never wants to have sex. It's not because he doesn't want to—he just takes medication that gives him zero sex drive. I'm about to rip out my hair because we don't have sex as much as I need. We have talked and talked, but it never changes because of his medication. I love him very much and really want to be together. I can really see us married with kids one day, but as of now, I want to go and have sex with anyone I see! What do you suggest before I go crazier?!
A: First, no matter how frustrated you are, please don't actually have sex with anyone you see. Got that? Good.
Your boyfriend's sex drive is blunted by meds—and that's an issue that's becoming more common as many crucial drugs improve people's lives but harm their sex drives. Many antidepressants, prostate drugs, antihistamines, painkillers, and beta-blockers may blunt some guys' libidos. Not to mention marijuana, alcohol, and even the hair-loss drug Propecia.
So, you're hardly alone. A lot of couples are trying to figure out how to work around this. It sounds like you've talked plenty about this—so I'll suggest two practical steps forward.
First, your boyfriend should talk about the issue with his doctor. He might be able to try a different drug—or the doctor might be able to identify a secondary cause that's exacerbating the problem. Diabetes, obesity, high-blood pressure, hormonal balances, and other conditions are just a few of the medical causes for chronic "hypoactive" (low) sexual desire. There are psychological factors as well—depression foremost among them.
Second, try not to make this all about your boyfriend's sex drive. Beyond straight-up fucking, what do you want? Think of other things he can do for you (oral, hands, toys) just because they turn you on. For him, it might be satisfying to know he can satisfy you.
He doesn't have to be able to get it up to get you off.