An Honest Review Of 'Fifty Shades Darker' By 2 Girls Who Enjoyed It

The only cuts you'll see are ~*SEX CUTS*~.
PHOTO: Fifty Shades Darker/Columbia Pictures

The Long Plot, Sans Spoilers

The first movie left off with Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) leaving Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) after she got a taste of what ~*really*~ gets him off (Read: Hardcore spanking). This second installment shows Mr. Grey wooing Ana back by giving her what she wants: More. Think vanilla sex, hearts and flowers, and sleeping in the same bed (which Christian never does with his submissives). In giving Ana what she needs from the relationship, Christian reveals traumatic incidents from his past concerning his birth mother. Meanwhile, Ana has to deal with a sleazy boss and Christian's mentally ill ex-submissive who has been stalking her. Ana and Christian promise to take things slow this time around, but with everything happening and a death scare (gasp!) around the corner, Christian will do everything it takes to make Ana his for good. P.S. It involves kneeling. (Wink!)

The Short, Honest Plot

Sex. Sex. Some sketchy characters pop up. Sex. Action sequences. Sex. DRAMAAAA! A proposal! Sex. 

The Main Actors and Where You Last Saw Them

1. Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey

He recently left the crime drama series The Fall after playing a sadistic, sexually-motivated, serial killer. Surprise, surprise.


2. Dakota Johnson as Anastasia Steele

She's been doing the Hollywood thing of starring in a slew of moviesHow To Be Single,  A Bigger Splash–and hanging with equally-famous pretty young things Taylor Swift and Cara Delevingne.


3. Marcia Gay Harden as Dr. Grace Trevelyn Grey

The only Oscar-winning actor in the cast (#sorrynotsorry) is currently starring in the medical drama series Code Black.


4. Kim Basinger as Elena Lincoln (aka Mrs. Robinson)

She was last seen in an action comedy flick (The Nice Guys, if you must know) starring Russell Crowe and Ryan Gosling.


5. Eric Johnson as Jack Hyde

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The Canadian actor was part of the period drama series The Knick in 2014.

6. Rita Ora as Mia Grey

The British singer-songwriter replaced Tyra Banks (!!!) as the host of the revamped America’s Next Top Model.

7. Bella Heathcote as Leila

Australian actress Bella had supporting roles in dark flicks such as Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and The Neon Demon. 


Did You Know?

1. Fifty Shades of Grey started as an online Twilight Saga fan fiction by author EL James. Edward Cullen is Christian Grey, and Bella Swan is Anastasia Steele. Before becoming Fifty Shades of Grey, James' initial title for her book was Masters of the Universe

2. Fifty Shades Darker had a different director (James Foley of House of Cards) and screenwriter (Niall Leonard). Niall Leonard is EL James' husband, and has written books of his own. 

3. You'll notice that Jamie Dornan will have a bit of stubble in this film—according to IMDB, the producers made this decision after getting feedback that clean-shaven Mr. Grey wasn't sexy enough! 

4. French-Pinay fashion designer Monique Lhuillier had a special mention in the film—Ana Steele wore her dress to the Grey family's masquerade ball.  

5. Kim Basinger plays Elena Lincoln, Christian Grey's former lover. Kim actually starred with Dakota Johnson's father Don Johnson in the TV series of From Here To Eternity in 1980. Dakota's mom is Melanie Griffith

6. You HAVE to stay after the movie credits! There will be a Fifty Shades Freed teaser. 

7. Fifty Shades Freed will be released on Valentine's Day 2018.


I just read Book #1 but watched the movies. Here's what I think. - Jacinda

I've always had this guilty pleasure of watching and reading these badly-written romance/erotica series which started with Twilight, of course. Although I haven't read all the books of the Fifty Shades trilogy (just the first book and a few chapters of the second book), I knew all too well what I was in for: LOTS OF LAUGHS. I went into the cinema knowing that this would be the funniest two hours of my dayand I was right. Well, sort of.

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During the first few minutes of the film and trying my hardest, I really could not help but LOL at the straight-up cheesy lines and awkward dialogue. Yes, there was a lot of sex, of course, but the thing I didn’t expect is this: Fifty Shades Darker is definitely a love story. There’s much more than sex involved between Christian and Ana in the sequel as they grow deeper into their relationship and open up about themselves. I was surprised to find myself drawn into the story of their romance and actually got kilig. Halfway through the film I wasn't laughing anymore but was legit glued to the screen. It probably helped that I didn't finish reading the book before watching the filmso no spoilers for me!

By the end of the film, I knew I wanted to know more of what's in store for Ana and Christian after their engagement (which was super sweet and beautiful sans erotica) and the two villains who are painfully annoying (for entertainment purposes, I assume).

Here are my uncut and uncovered thoughts on some of the Fifty Shades Darker characters:

On Christian:

"Did he gain a bit of weight? Is it why he had to grow some scruff? I don't care, really. Still super HOT."

"He does go down on Ana a lot, no? I wonder what he must be thinking." 

"THOSE PULL UPS. You cannot CGI those muscles." 

"HE LICKED HER BOOBS. I repeat, HE LICKED HER BOOBS."

On Anastasia:

"Gawd, her body is TDF."

"I wonder how many panties she's had to take off for this film."

"Oh, her boobs again."

"Someone should applaud her stylist. Ana seriously has the best wardrobe in the film."

On Leila:

"OK, creepy girl. Things are gonna get interesting."

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"WHOA THERE. Is this The Ring?!"

On Jack Hyde:

"I know you are up to trouble, you sleaze."

"SUCH A F*CKING PERV!"

"Ha! Buti nga sa'yo."

On Mrs. Robinson:

"Her face is not moving. AT. ALL" 

"Like girl, how much stuff did you have done on your face?"

I read all the Twilight AND Fifty Shades books. Here's what I think. - Jillian

For Greyshippers who read the book, it's the ultimate fan service. We're not going to pretend it's top-notch literature or an award-winning film. We're not even going to say the acting is superb (although this movie's acting is way better). But is it true to the book? Yes. Will it leave you in a fit of giggles with your closest girlfriends? Yes. Will it teach you how to use sex toys? Yes. Will you see abs, butts, and strategically-hidden nether regions? Yes. True to their promise, the MTRCB didn't blur the sex scenes, and you will see Jamie Dornan's sex cuts in their full glory. If you watched the Twilight Saga, you'll see similarities with Fifty Shades Darker, like how Christian twirled Ana in a pivotal scene (Remember how Edward Cullen twirled Bella Swan during their engagement?), and how a core character will be plotting revenge in the end (See: Victoria planning her revenge in the finale of the first Twilight movie).


We'd Recommend It To:

Anyone who is turned off by the film because "the books were so baaaad." COME ON. It's about a billionaire who likes "kinky fuckery" with an everygirl who could be YOU. Give it a shot and watch with your squad for some naughty fun. Turned off by sex scenes? Your worst takeaway would be how to use a spreader bar—and that in itself, is worth it.  - Jillian

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If you're up for some mindless fun with your girls, this film is right up your alley. It has a balance of raunchiness and romance which is perfect for a GNO! Girls in relationships shouldn't be bothered to bring their SO in the cinema as well 'cause the film seriously educates us in the bedroom departmentin more ways than one. *winks* - Jacinda

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