After years of watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians, I feel confident saying I know how their cliffhangers work. The first episode sets up something major and gets us hyped, and then the second episode acknowledges that the major event happened, without actually giving us any details. But in the case of Kanye's hospitalization, that's actually sorta OK with me. (More on that soon.) And the episode still had drama to spare — let's get into it.
Hey, Where's Kanye?
I've always struggled with the way in which the Kardashians choose to tell the stories of those around them, rather than allowing them to speak for themselves; I'm mostly thinking of Lamar and Scott here. As perversely fascinating as Kanye's collapse might be, it's his collapse. If he wants to talk about it, I'll be here to listen. All we really know is that Kim rushed to be with him and missed the Angel Ball, Kanye wasn't at the family's Thanksgiving celebration, and everyone is concerned. The tabloids fill in a few of those missing details, but for now, I'm glad Kim's kept additional information to a bare minimum — this is a "for worse" chapter of their marriage, Kanye's hanging in there, and she's hopeful that things will be better soon.
In Which Kendall Thinks She Knows the Meaning of the Term "Bad Press":
Soooooo, Kendall spends most of the episode worried about whether or not her and Kylie's clothing line will get a bad review in Vogue. She's afraid that if the review isn't positive, it'll ruin her career after all the work she's done to be taken seriously in the industry. (Kylie seems to not give very many fucks, as only she is able to do.) This is sort of hilarious and tragic for several reasons; chief among them is the idea that there was a time in the recent past where Kendall thought the worst thing that could happen to her career was A BAD REVIEW OF A CLOTHING LINE NO ONE IS PARTICULARLY HYPED ABOUT ANYWAY. It is a unique and intimate view into the pre-Pepsi mind of Kendall Jenner. I completely believe that Kendall has culpability in not realizing how tone-deaf the Pepsi spot was, but I feel for her a little more after this week's episode. If she was this worked up about a relatively low-stakes fashion review, she must be a wreck these days.
And Kendall's anxiety turns out to be completely misplaced. The review is really good! But I salute her "plan for the worst, worry obsessively, and then be pleasantly surprised when things work out" mentality. Game recognizes game.
Best Friends for Never:
There's always been weird tension in Khloé's relationship with Malika, which I've always attributed to way too much time spent trying to mix friendship and business. They get into it — or at least semi-seriously snipe at each other — at one of Khloé's photo shoots, and Khloé immediately calls Malika out for spending too much time with her boyfriend.
It turns out her boyfriend is … Ronnie from Jersey Shore?! And they met on an E! show for low-grade celebs called Famously Single? (They've since split up.) Is this what I get for my chronic inability to keep up (god, I just walk right into that wordplay every time) with the Kardashians' Snapchats? Anyway, after venting to Kim for a while — and having the self-awareness to apologize for venting while Kim's husband is in the hospital — Khloé sits down with Malika to have it out.
Reality TV Is Real:
For all the things KUWTK gets wrong, it nails opportunities to illustrate what true sibling dynamics look like. The Kardashians bicker like real sisters and that was true in Kendall's interactions with Kylie throughout this episode. The realest moment of all came when Kendall looked at Kylie and sighed, "Did anyone ever tell you that you look like a Bratz doll?" GIRRRRL.
Reality TV Is Fake:
While Kim's anguish is really, really clear in the moment when she learns about Kanye's breakdown, it feels a little convenient that cameras were rolling when Kim got the call letting her know what was up. The family was sitting around casually eating in their hotel room, and while they were definitely traveling with cameras on this trip, it felt a little off to be filming in that moment. Maybe Kim's assistant answered the phone, knew it would be bad news, and so cameras were put in place? (The other possibility is that this unfolded exactly the way it did on television, and I'm a jerk.)
"I need some of that tequila that Cindy Crawford drinks." —noted business professional Kris Jenner.
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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.