Trigger warning: sexual assault, rape, trauma, and self-harm.
Lady Gaga just opened up about being sexually assaulted as a teen.
"A producer said to me, 'Take your clothes off.' And I said, "No.' And I left. And they told me they were going to burn all my music and they didn't stop. They didn't stop asking me and I just froze and... I don't even remember."
Lady Gaga said the trauma led to a "psychotic break for a couple of years" and that she "was not the same girl." She often had the urge to inflict self-harm.
Years after being assaulted, she went to a hospital for chronic pain and was surprised when she saw a psychiatrist was being brought in. She was later on diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder or PTSD.
"First I felt full-on pain then I went numb and then I was sick for weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks after. And I realized that it was the same pain that I felt when the person who raped me dropped off pregnant on the corner by my parent's house because I was vomiting and sick because I was being abused. I was locked in a studio for months."
Lady Gaga also spoke about the "Me Too" movement—which involves people publicly speaking about their history of sexual assault and sexual harassment—and how she feels about addressing her attacker, whom she has not yet named to this day.
"I understand this 'Me Too' movement. I understand that some people feel really comfortable with this and I do not. I do not ever want to face that person again."
The star shared that her process of healing involves "trying to make sure I get back with that experience instead of, I don't know, walking away and faking it."
While she may slowly be recuperating, she says this can easily be derailed at any time she recalls that period in her life. “Even if I have six brilliant months, all it takes is getting triggered once to feel bad.”
This isn't the first time that Lady Gaga has opened up about her experience of being sexually assaulted. At the 2016 Oscars, she had an *emotional* performance for her 2015 song "'Til It Happens To You," where she was joined on stage by sexual abuse survivors.
"I don't tell this story for my own self-service. I've been through it and people need help."