There are many wonderful things about Riverdale — Cole Sprouse’s narration, the maniacal behavior of everyone’s parents, the Josie and the Pussycats version of “I Feel Love” — but the show would be nothing without its cast of snooping, conniving teens and adults. Everyone has a secret, and those secrets have secrets! Also, maple syrup is somehow involved? Just go with it and find out what your favorite Riverdale character says about your ~own~ personality.Archie Andrews
You’re the quintessential popular kid, beloved by everyone and blessed with good looks, nice abs, and more talents than you know what to do with (pick music, it’s so much better than football). If you went to Hogwarts, you’d be a Gryffindor. People often underestimate your intelligence, because how could you possibly be smart in addition to all that other stuff? But just ignore them and keep getting good grades while also looking good shirtless.Betty Cooper
You’re a dedicated friend, diligent student, and loving sibling, all while making a simple ponytail look like the chicest hairstyle in the world. Haters might think you’re boring because you devote so much time to family and school, but those dummies are wrong. Perfection takes work, people!Jughead Jones
You’re a bit of a loner, who keeps your emotions close to the vest. You never like to do anything that’s expected, especially when it comes to investigating your classmate’s murder. Why go to the cops with information when you can just check out an abandoned car yourself? Also, you look unbelievably good in dumb hats.
You have a passionate interest in beauty and a deep appreciation for the finer things in life. This causes onlookers to think you’re a snob, but you’re not — you just know what you like. Your candor is occasionally off-putting, though people who know you well always appreciate your honesty because they know you only share yourself with people you love.Cheryl Blossom
Gurrrl, you are evil, but in a fun way! Kind of like Julie Cooper on The O.C., but with better brooches and less cheating on your husband with your daughter’s teenage boyfriend. There’s a streak of sensitivity underneath all those sassy retorts, but you only let one or two of the people closest to you see it.
You might see yourself as a rebel, but deep down you’re a perfectionist who thrives on praise and adulation. Being the center of attention is one of your favorite things, but unlike many people who crave the spotlight, you actually have the talent to back up your ambition. Underneath that outgoing exterior, though, you have a vulnerability that makes it easy for other people to hurt you. Ignore them, because you are *flawless*.Valerie Brown
You’re a free spirit and a great friend, though you sometimes ignore your own needs in favor of other people’s. That’s fine sometimes, but if you know you’re a better songwriter than the girl whose name is on the drum kit, you have to stand up for yourself. Also, cat ears look great on you.
You don’t say much, but you provide emotional support for the squad whenever it’s needed. When you’re around people with louder personality types, you tend to fade into the background, but don’t let those attention hogs get you down. Being a woman of few words is fine when you know so well how to make those words count.Kevin Keller
You’re outspoken and hilarious, the sort of person who always feels the need to add some comic relief to all uncomfortable situations. This sometimes causes casual observers to think you’re shallower than you actually are, so don’t forget to let your guard down lest you make people think you’re all play.Fred Andrews
You are watching this show with your teenage children.Alice Cooper
You’d never really do anything evil, but you’re a sucker for dastardly parents on teen dramas. You are also only watching Riverdale to tide you over until the Twin Peaks reboot starts.Hermione Lodge
You’ve experienced some hardship in life but never let it get you down too far. Where there’s a will, there’s a way; even if the way involves making a deal with Skeet Ulrich. Even in your darkest moments, your hair is on point, because in addition to being a person of strong character, you’re a person of style. Just because you work at a diner where the only customers are teenagers doesn’t mean your hair can’t be perfectly blown out at all times.Ethel Muggs
You don’t even like Riverdale — you’re just waiting for Stranger Things to come back.
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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.