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Kyla On Enduring Multiple Miscarriages: 'Feeling ko as a mom, I'm failing so miserably'

'Parang binigay sa'yo tapos kinuha ulit.'
Kyla opens up about enduring four miscarriages
PHOTO: Instagram/kylaalvarez

We've known Kyla as one of the renowned singers in the Philippines, giving us countless soulful performances. But aside from her craft as an artist, Kyla has a story to tell—a story of pain, courage, and faith.

In an interview with Ogie Diaz, Kyla emotionally shared her highs and lows as a mother and a wife. The singer is married to former basketball player Rich Alvarez. They are parents to their son, Toby Alvarez.

The 42-year-old singer opened up to Ogie about experiencing four miscarriages. "'Nung 2018, I started the year with a miscarriage and then I ended the year with a miscarriage," she recalled.

Although the couple was blessed with Toby in 2013, it was their dream to have a bigger family. It was only in 2017 that they decided to try to conceive their second child. She disclosed that it was also her son's wish to have a sibling, however, the odds seemed to be against them.


"Medyo heartbreaking po 'yun kasi. Sobrang gustong-gusto na namin masundan si Toby. Tsaka gusto niya [Toby] ng kapatid talaga... I'm not sure nga po if we made the right decision. Actually, naiisip ko na dapat ko bang i-regret na nag-wait kami too long na sundan si Toby," Kyla remarked.

Kyla poured out her sentiments as she recounted the times that they tried so hard to have another baby. "Nag-treatment kami and all that. We went to the doctors. Hindi pa rin."

It's an unimaginable experience to have lost one's child multiple times. Kyla summarized her emotions by saying, "Mahirap po 'yung feeling ng nawawalan ka... Something that you've prayed for, and you've hoped for, and you wanted. Tapos bigla na langParang binigay sa'yo tapos kinuha ulit. Tapos you have to go through that over and over."

Kyla knew in her heart that she could never accept not having another kid. During the interview, she told Ogie how she would cry about her dreams of seeing her kids and taking them to school. However, she could never see their faces, even in dreams.

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As a way to keep her children in her memories, she would embrace the thought of them whenever it's raining. "Feeling ko kapag naririnig ko 'yung mga patak ng ulan, feeling ko nandyan lang mga anak ko. Feeling ko naglalaro lang sila dyan," she noted.

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Kyla made an effort to remain strong for her husband and son. She wants to be someone her son looks up to, no matter how hard the situation is. Yet, she would sometimes still feel like a failure. "I wanted to be a role model for my son, na kung mag-fail ka you can always try again. So I tried, pero parang feeling ko as a mom, I'm failing so miserably na bigyan siya ng kapatid," she said. 

Despite the struggles and the heartbreaks, Kyla is extremely grateful for her family, who not only remain strong for her but support her in every step of their journey.


"He's [Rich] been very supportive. Feeling ko nga po hindi ako deserving of a person like him na asawa ko. Kasi sobrang buti niyang tao talaga. Tapos yung anak ko talaga napaka-sweet," the singer uttered.

When asked if this would be the end of her pregnancy journey, Kyla refused the thought of it. She still prays that someday, they could welcome another baby into their family. "In my heart, naglo-long pa rin po ako for another kid... Pero sabi ko, kung gusto talaga kaming i-bless ni Lord with another kid, feeling ko kahit walang treatment, ibibigay Niya 'yon," Kyla proclaimed.

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