10 Things Not To Say To A Drunk Girl

Don't promise me pizza if you're not going to follow through.

1. "The bathroom line is sooo long. Should we go pee outside?" 
Yes! Ninety-nine percent of the time I would find this disgusting but in this moment nothing sounds better than not waiting three more minutes to pile into a stall!

2. "Do you want to hop this fence and go to that IHOP across?!"
You know what's so funny is that I never considered myself a talented fence-hopper, but I feel like, in this moment, I could slay hopping fences. Let's do it, bitch.

3. "I hate this song!" 
OK, Buzzkill Betty. I might hate this song when I'm sober, but right now, I'm just ~*TrYnA dAaAaAnCe~*.

4. "He's, like, reaaaaally not that cute." 
In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter? I've got my freaking wine goggles on and I'm in the mood to make out with boys. What I'm not in the mood for is people who judge people for doing things with other people.

5. "Text him! Texthimtexthimtexthim!" 
Yep, OK, that's all I needed to hear!

6. "Do you maybe want to go home now?" 
It's normally at this point that it's time to go for pizza though! It might be time for you to go home, but it's time for me to go submerge myself in a pizza pile, thanks.

7. "You are My Best Friend above anyone else and I looove you." 
I love you so much back. *Cries. Just cries.*

8. "Do you want to get brunch around 10 a.m.?!" 
Yes! Yesyesyesyesyes! You have to promise you're actually going to get up though, because if I am up before that I will be fucking starving and irrationally resentful of you if you cancel!!! OK, yeah, no, let's do it another time.

Continue reading below ↓

9. "OMG, stop, you are embarrassing yourself!" 
Because I am sloppy? Because I want to dance? Because I am a twentysomething YOLO Princess doing the same thing as all the other twentysomething YOLO Princesses? Let's talk Thursday, please, when you are four-deep.

10. "I am too tired to eat pizza." 
Too bad. You can sit across the booth from me while I eat three slices.

***

This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors. 

Sorry, no results were found for