1. "No, I don't hate you! I seriously never hated you! Why would you ever think that?!"
Literally I have never hated you once, Erica! Though I kind of thought you were kind of a bitch because you said something snotty in that one class three years ago, but actually I love you." No one understands you like Erica does. She's even on her fourth amaretto sour too. You're so glad Nina brought her out tonight. Is Erica your soul mate? Erica, you are, like, my fucking spirit animal.
2. "Yes, OMG, can we please hang out soon? Why did we not hang out the last time we made plans?!"
Even through your booze-induced haze, you know in your heart that you don't want to get dinner with Erica. While grabbing her phone aggressively to text yourself so now she has your number and you guys have "seriously noooOo excuses this time," you plot ways to get out of your date.
3. "Boys are so dumb, OMFG."
Effing Miguel. He ruins everything. You were having this amazing bonding sesh with Erica in the corner, and you, like, never get to talk to Erica, and Effing Miguel just needed to interrupt you because that stupid Avicii song came on. Can he maybe fist-pump on his own? You don't have time to pretend to enjoy fist-pumping with him; you are talking to Erica.
4. *Cries. Just cries.*
No reason. Maybe there is a reason. You don't remember.
5. "I just want to go to a place where there are no creepers."
Also, more alcohol. Erica says she knows this place that is minimally creepy and also has amazing music. That sounds perfect; let's go there. After this song, though.
6. "Should we take a shot?"
Literally, you cannot remember the last time you took a shot because shots are disgusting, but, honestly, you really feel like you could just take shots right now, you know? Shots! Shots! OK, these shots are disgusting. Maybe you can throw yours out when no one is looking. "Did you really just down that?! Ew! Shots!"
7. "I just MOMOL-ed with him. Is he cute? I can't even tell."
He maybe looks kinda cute? Like, does he look like a Cosmo Bachelor or something?
8. "Why are you single? You are soooo great."
Seriously, you have the most amazing friends and job and apartment in the world and also you are incredible. "Why are you single? Erica, you are amazing. There are so many guys who want you. No, you're more amazing." You earnestly debate the pros and cons of the Single Lady Life.
9. "I have never had to pee so badly in my life."
The line is sooo long. Where are you going to pee? Where are you going to pee? You can't pee here, it's disgusting. Do you think we should sneak into that less creepy place across the street? OK, you can hold for one more minute and then that's it. OK, we have to go now. You made it, barely. Kinda hard to squat with Erica and Nina in the stall with you, but you persevere.
10. "I love you. I love you so fucking much, I just need you to know that you're my best friend."
I know I was taking shots and dancing with Erica half the night, but Nina, you are my BFF and I love you. I love you more than my mom. Let's never hang out with Erica again. Promise me nothing will ever change. No, I love you more. I love you the most.
11. "Is there a drive-thru place here? I want fries. And a burger. And a sundae."
I love fast food more than you, Nina.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.